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Concepts from "Communications and Relationships"

Testimonials

I found your book Communication & Relationships very enlightening to read. I liked the set-up of the book and I enjoyed the short stories on the numerous topics you have discussed or experienced with your clients. I think the book is a definite read for anyone looking to improve their interpersonal skills, whether it is with a partner or fellow employees. You introduced many topics such as communications, self-esteem, relationships and assertiveness. As well, I like how your book communicates important information in a light and sometimes humorous manner.  This make for enjoyable reading.                                               - Henry


Communication & Relationships (C & R) is organized into many clearly categorized segments, which enable the reader to digest it in limited doses or to pick and choose the issues according to interest and need. When starting the book, the reader is made aware of the writer’s avowed purpose and instructions, and he or she gets the feeling that a conversation is about to begin, one with a very sensitive and intelligent individual. The wide experience and personal anecdotes reflect the author’s fascination with the wide range of people’s personalities and characters, and it is more than interest: it is caring. Rosin carefully and deftly illustrates how a successful therapist is a perpetual learner.

C & R is formatted like a handbook and the extensive “Contents” precludes the need for an index. It is designed for the modern age, concise, with intensive sound bites, a Google hit that’s just what the searcher wants: the perfect tool for someone whose computer is within arm’s reach. The use of Venn diagrams, charts, different types of type and summary statements appeals to many readers/ learners whose mode of learning is more visual. At the same time, the conversational tone will be comforting to the reader who is more inclined to the auditory mode of learning. If one is inclined to write in books, which I was never allowed to do, then there is ample space to do so to add one’s own insights and the book size will never create a problem as it sits on one’s bedside table for ready reference.

Self-help books are wonderful but the people who should be reading them generally do not feel very compelled to read them. It is more for those who have to cope with the foregoing. The thesis of Rosin’s treatise is that we create our lives in our minds and it is up to us to find coping mechanisms and inner peace through our control of our own feelings and logic. Rosin helps us see the world from the point of view of the other guy and as such is an invaluable tools as we wend our way though our lives.

This book is a suitable companion and follow-up to Rosin’s first book, “I can have fun on a week night!” which was published in 2002. His wide experience as a teacher and as a counsellor provides him with many insights into human behaviour and coping mechanisms.                                                         - Ed

Life Force vs. Lifestyle Energy

     A concept I've borrowed from Hans  Selye, the Canadian stress researcher, is his idea of life force energy. I believe that he means there is a source of energy that comes from within every living body. However, this source of energy is finite in that just so much of it is available to us, and when we use it up we get very sick, often give up and die.

Finding Your Voice

My client was very timid. For the longest time, she wouldn’t look me in the eye and her voice lacked emotion. Most of her conversation was made up of questions instead of statements, and even then, for every question she asked, she immediately apologized. Later, I heard about the past abuse in her life. She said that she was “fed up being a doormat”. She wanted to change and get more out of life. She had learned early on that the only way to survive in her family was to be passive. Any other way was seen as a “smart mouth” and punishable.

Differences

Men and women are different! It doesn’t matter what these differences are based on—gender or personality—or where they come from. What does matter is that we recognise that men and women often have differing views on most issues.  Couples need exceptional communication skills to move past the differences between them. Unfortunately, few people possess these skills, and even fewer understand the need for them.

Conscious vs. Automatic

I don't trust myself, and others even less, when it comes to automatically making good lifestyle choices.
I believe people store messages on their brain computers that cause them to make automatic choices that may be detrimental to their health:
•   work until the job is done, then you can play
•   if you want something done, do it yourself
•   if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well -  all the
     time

Better

       The theme for several sessions with a client was, "I can't really do anything to help myself because I am depressed". I believe that if you change behaviour, most often the feelings will catch up. Do something different and see what happens to the feelings.
      As a result of this discussion about change and doing something different came a new slant - the concept of Better. We need to work on making things better, or they get worse!

Anger and Assumptions

A client relayed a recent experience in which he was cooperating on an important work project with an individual whom he felt was a “bit of a slacker”. Whenever this individual heard the phone ringing in the adjoining office, he immediately jumped up to answer it. My client assumed that the individual was using the ringing telephone as an excuse to get out of work, and he became very angry, uttering a few expletives under his breath.

After the Affair

You don’t get past an affair. You work through it!

My client was having a very difficult time with the fact that her significant other had had an affair. A “one-night stand” that happened sometime in the spring. She felt betrayed and, contrary to his preference, thought it was far too soon to just “drop it and move on”. There was more penance that remained to be served before she could put the issue behind her.