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Newsletter Vol. # 9 That's how I see it!

Hello and welcome to Vol. # 10

What you'll find in this weeks newsletter: Anger is a choice; Did you know...; Golf and what it all means; Functional Foods; something about Too Much TV Being Unhealthy (who would have thought that); from our Readers; and the final chapter (thank goodness) of the Trip to the Caymans.

It has come to my attention that I have actually made some speling and punctuation! errors (maybe even left out a whole line) in previous newsletters. So I tried sending Vol. # 10 to my cousin Wayne for proofing - seeing as he was so kind as to mention in the first place there were errors. However, I sent it to his old e-mail address and he didn't get it. So you people who are bothered by these trivial little mistakes will have to continue to suffer, or send your personal cheques to the That's how I see it Proof-reading Fund. Thank-you!


Anger

A court mandated client was ordered to see me for wife abuse, explained his behaviour in a backhanded way. "Of course I wouldn't act that way-get angry and lose control-at work because I would get fired or the guys would take me out behind the loading dock and beat the crap out of me." So I ask, Let me get this straight, you slap your wife around but you wouldn't do that at your workplace because you couldn't get away with it, you would get fired or beaten up? You have discipline at work but not at home? I guess so but it's different! She ... (made me do it). I of course take great pains to explain that his anger is his alone and that nobody makes him angry. People/things can invite us to be angry but can't make us angry. It took a couple of sessions before he understood that his anger is a choice he makes to deal with a situation.

Winnifred Yu in her article, Don't Let Anger Get The Best Of You points out the negative effects of being angry on the angry persons body:

Study after study has found that high levels of anger and hostility are associated with greater risk for heart disease, poor immune responses, and even a propensity for obesity. Men with high anger scores were three times more likely to develop heart disease than their calmer cohorts, a Harvard School of Public Health study found. And in women, arguments with spouses raise hormone levels and lower immunity- a real problem, since lower immune response may boost women's risk of cancer.

Anger unleashes a torrent of hormones that wreck havoc on our circulatory and immune systems. When we are angry, our fight-or-flight response prompts our adrenal glands to send out an extra jolt of adrenaline and cortisol. The two hormones then cause the heart rate to speed up, and the immune system to slow down- all helpful responses if you're going to fight or flee, but not if you're going to stand and seethe.

It doesn't seem to matter whether you release the anger or hold it in, experts say. The effects on your health are the same. Anger is anger, says Redford Williams, M.D., director of the Behavioral Medicine Research Center at Duke University Medical Center. Both are harmful to health.

The good news is, it is possible to control your anger. By evaluating it and using various techniques, you can talk yourself it, Williams says. That's what's nice about us humans: we can always do something or not do something to change our behaviour.

Many people who are angry don't recognize themselves as angry. Dr. Richard Driscoll suggests that you ask your self these questions to measure your anger quotient: Do you feel as if you are frequently mistreated by others? Do you often consider minor inconveniences to be personal attacks against you? Do you complain often? Do you exaggerate the actions of others or take their affronts personally? On the road, do you frequently curse other drivers, to the point that driving has become unpleasant?

Winnifred Yu concludes: Angry people can learn to become happy people. They just have this personality type that sometimes gets them into trouble. They'll always have the tendency to get angry. But they can probably control it enough to keep it from damaging the their health (and hopefully their relationships).

So then how do we manage our anger? Here are a few of those point form,
1 - 10 (which I claim to dislike) general methods for anger management:

1. Keep a "rage log."
How often during the day you engage in aggressive actions, such as slamming doors, honking your horn, yelling at other motorists, or barking at retail clerks? How often do you provoke people to yell, scream, or honk their horns at you?
How often do you have negative thoughts about other people? "What a jerk she is!" "I'd like to punch him!" "Why don't these morons move faster?"
How often do you blow your cool? Do you shout angrily, fantasize about physically assaulting someone, or even explicitly threaten violence? How often do you find yourself frowning, impatient, irritable, in a hurry, gritting your teeth?
Take an honest look at your hostility level. Even if you think it is everybody else's fault, make note of the frequency and intensity of your rage.
2. Talk to yourself.
Make an agreement with yourself to try to delay getting angry. Don't you have better ways to spend your time than flying into a rage? Many situations are too
unimportant for you to explode about. Your time and your health are much too
valuable.
Don't jump to conclusions about the motives of the person who is annoying you.
The person who is not moving through the traffic light on schedule is not deliberately trying to keep you from getting to work on time and is probably not a stupid idiot either. He or she is probably just tired and momentarily distracted. Besides, you are probably not going to be late anyway.
3. Cool it!
When you become aware of hostile thoughts or attitudes, yell at yourself "Stop!" or "Cool it!" It sounds silly, but yelling "Stop!" at yourself interrupts your anger program, decreasing the likelihood of you steaming yourself up by thinking of past injustices.
4. Distract yourself.
When your assessment of the situation leads you to the conclusion that your
irritation is unmerited or not worth the trouble, simply getting your mind off of the anger can be effective.
For example, suppose you are waiting in line at the bank. You can become
increasingly irritated, or you could read a magazine, book, or newspaper while you wait. You could also enjoy simply watching and observing other people. 
5. Decide what you can do about the situation; do it and let the anger go.
Let's go back to the bank. You have a right to be irritated if you are waiting in line. You have several choices. You can complain to the manager. You can also use the ATM, use the bank when it is uncrowded, or change banks. You don't have to stand in line and steam.
6. If you are chronically angry, take a look at yourself.
What belief are you trying to justify? Do you keep finding examples of situations where life is unfair? It isn't fair. Life's unfairness is not a new discovery. What's the point of continually getting mad about it? It's also true that some people are jerks. Why bother getting mad about that?
7. Avoid over stimulation. Get plenty of rest and exercise.
When your body is in an agitated state, you are more likely to feel and express
hostility. Too little sleep, operating under time pressures, and too many competing tasks all contribute to a state of agitation.
Give up or sharply cut back on sweets, caffeine, cigarettes, and / or alcohol. All these contribute to intense reactions and overreactions to people, situations, and stimuli.
8. Learn to listen.
When people talk, do you find yourself impatient, judging, or thinking about what you'll say next? Preoccupation with yourself and your judgements and lack of true attention to what someone else is saying are principal ingredients for an angry exchange.
Start listening. Don't jump to conclusions. Fight the urge to break in with your own comments. Try to learn something new by listening. Don't turn conversations into cross-examinations.
9. Assume other people have good intentions.
If you get angry a lot you probably don't trust other people. You assume the worst of them. Many times your evaluation of their motives may not be correct.
Other people may be behaving more reasonably than you credit them for. Try to accept other people as they are, not as you wish they were. When you see a situation from another person's perspective, you will feel less threatened and judgmental.
10. Learn to laugh at yourself.
If you develop a sense of humour about yourself, you can laugh at some of the things that are truly too unimportant to work yourself up about. Getting yourself into and out of a trivial and petty state of anger can be quite amusing. Of course, don't judge yourself either.           Author Unknown

So are 1-10's helpful? Which of these suggestions do you find doable? Any additional things you do to control yor anger that we might find useful?
Let us know  danrosin@drcounselling.com


Did you know:

-Of those people who suffered the greatest damage in childhood, most    were harmed by repeated exposure to anger. Majority of chronically angry people were also damaged by anger as children.

-People struggling with chronic anger suffer long-term consequences involves work and personal relationships. They tend to feel more alone, more disappointed by life, and less nourished by the relationships.

-The greatest predictor of satisfaction in marriage is how people learn to handle conflict and anger.

-Anger is a learned response, and the anger response can be unlearned with commitment and effort.

-Anger is a good short-term defence against fear, loss, guilt, shame, and feelings of rejection failure.


GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In Golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing Golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip ........ your life is in trouble.



Functional Foods

I heard a new buzzword the other day it was "functional" foods. Functional foods are "foods and food components that provide a health benefit beyond basic nutrition. They provide essential nutrients beyond quantities necessary for normal maintenance, gross and development, and/or provide other biologically active components that impart health benefits or desirable psychological effects." Examples of functional foods might be: vitamin-enriched soda pop, snack chips made out of vegetables, calcium-enriched chewing gum. In the future, we may see functional foods for increased energy, mental alertness and better sleep.


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"Your anger is understandable but not appropriate"

Anger is a way of coping. It helps to overcome hurt, disappointment, and helplessness. Anger is a response you learned early in life to cope with these feelings. It is a way to gain control, however temporary, of one's life. Anger can become a habit. (Dan Rosin, Communication & Relationships).


Too Much TV Unhealthy

Dr. Eric Sigman says, too much television and computer screen watching is damaging children's health and development. Apparently it causes shortsightedness and disrupts hormonal balance and leads to increased risk of cancer and premature puberty. It also slows down the metabolism, which is linked to increase in obesity and type II diabetes.


Reader Contribution

This is the greatest country in the world and why one would trash it is beyond imagination.   Those few who have left Canada to pursue a life of hate and terror are truly misguided about what is truly important in life.

I now spend my time, or what's left of it, attending to my family/friends.   My footprint is visible so that those who come after me know that I tried to make "my world" a better place to live in.

I think back to the good times we had filled with laughter and love. I truly don't understand the terrorist perspective and their need to hate and kill those who are different than themselves.

            My motto: Enjoy what you have and share it.
                                                                                                   Ray


Trip to Cayman        Pt. 3

You know that being injured and staying in the Cayman Islands, isn't really the worst thing that can happen to a person. However, in addition to lazing around I also spent an hour or two every day trying to get through to my insurance provider. You see I was denied insurance coverage because according to my first interview with CanAssistance, a telephone answering service out of Montréal that is used by my insurance provider to gather all the pertinent information and forwarded on to Manitoba. The first operator, although very pleasant and very professional, got the dates incorrect was rejected because I would be out of province 40 days insurance only covers 32 days. A few phone calls and I got the dates straightened out only to discover that it is when you leave the province not the country that the 32 days starts counting. I would be gone 33 days. So I climbed back on the phone and asked Montréal if I came back early would I be covered. They hinted that it had been done before. I needed rehab and an MR I determine the extent of my injuries. I called my Manitoba insurance provider directly and they refused to return my calls. "Sorry sir you can't talk directly to them, but I will have them call you." Three calls and nothing returned. I gave up and packed up and come home early, well within my 32 days. Goodbye Cayman and family, love you!
 
When I got home to Winnipeg I visited my insurance provider. I spoke for no more than 30 seconds about my issues when the very nice lady states,
"Oh, you could have used your Manitoba medical to cover the cost of rehab and the MRI up to $2500." I say, "Excuse me, I really didn't need all that fuss with 32 or 33 days, I had coverage and didn't need any permission to see a doctor or get an MRI up to $2500 and you just told me that the first 30 seconds of our conversation?" "Ah, yes." Now I am really upset that I didn't receive any return calls from my provider! "So, if your international department had just been a tad more courteous and professional they could have told me that I could have received the medical attention I needed and used my Manitoba medical." "I suppose," she answered.

Now I know I'm supposed to know that Manitoba medical will pay up to $2500 (and I have since found out that Manitoba Medical will pay for medical services but only to the amount they consider the Manitoba equivalent) but I didn't know that! I asked at least 10 people if they knew our Manitoba Medical would cover up to $2500 or equivalent when out of province--and not a single person knew that! The people at my insurance company certainly knew that, probably work with it every day, and decided to ignore me/their customer because they believed I was one day over on my insurance coverage and so they decided not to respond to my calls and this is what I was most upset about. How totally unprofessional and uncaring!

The irony is that after we communicated my claim was processed and all expenses I had taken on myself for a rehab were paid within three days. Why did I have to get upset before being heard? Was someone just following company policy or were they just a thoughtless employee who couldn't care less?

Anybody have any similar experiences with an insurance company?
danrosin@drcounselling.com


Vol. #10 done. Anything you want to say-give it a go-feedback please!
Lets hope that the weather is a bit more pleasant this coming week so we can get outside without a toque.

 

 

 

 

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