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Relationships and Wellness

In our lives we often search for that one person to meet all our needs. Someone to take care of us, to fill the void we feel. All to often we end up searching in the wrong places and snagging the wrong fish. We place such a high value in having a person (any person) in our life, that we overlook their shortcomings, we defer to them and become dependent on them. In many cases they can't really live up to our lofty expectations and the relationship goes through some very tough times, maybe even failure. Dependency (waiting to be rescued) on others is definitely not good, but learning to be less dependent on ourselves is even worse. The problem with looking for answers to life's challenges outside ourselves (using other peoples ideas and advice, books with lists, TV talk show hosts) is that we lose touch with who we are and eventually our ability to solve our own issues rusts away. When we become dependent we don't develop our own problem solving skills, we don't take risks, and we don't experience the rush of success or the exhilaration of high self-esteem that is the result of "doing it our way". We don't know what we want or need in our life and we certainly don't develop a personalized balanced life philosophy.

If we are to be independent and healthy, we must first learn to listen to and love ourselves. In truth, we cannot love others unless we first possess a loving acceptance of ourselves and who we are. Can we expect others to respect/love us if we are not prepared to love ourselves? No! In all fairness, we cannot expect others to do what we are not prepared to do.

A healthy person in a healthy environment lives out the balance between work, play, laughter, aloneness, and touch. It's interesting about touch, it seems that it takes away the toxins in the touched person and they feel less lonely, less sad and more hopeful. We can touch people in many ways: with our words, our eyes, or physically touch them. The power in touch has the ability to be life altering. It seems that in reaching out and touching people we can make a difference, not only to their lives but to ours as well.

A healthy/well person is one who loves themselves and understands that they are "in charge" of their life and are committed to maintaining a balanced lifestyle. They appreciate their current family and friends, as well as their "family of origin" and those positive messages they have been given on how to live life to the fullest. They understand that to maintain their health they need to consciously work towards healthy choices. Most people do not have the necessary permission/messages in their computer (heads) to allow them to live a balanced life. So, they must choose to stay healthy, they must make conscious decisions, plan, become knowledgeable about what it takes to be and stay healthy. For most of us, living a healthy lifestyle is not an automatic decision; it is a moment-by-moment choice!