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Midweek #2, 2017

Midweek #2, 2017

Midweek is the summer replacement for the regular "That's How I See It!" newsletter. This week's offering consists of blatant advertisement for my newest book--"Communication & Relationships", an article, a plug for my friends Fringe Festival musical, and a concept from the book.

You can receive your "free" copy of "Communication & Relationships" hopefully before summer's end. I am presently attempting to find suitable locations (restaurants, gyms, libraries, and of course my house) to place the book for pickup. If you have any suggestions, let me know. (Phone: 204-299-9399, danrosin@drcounselling.com)


Communication and Relationships is a book about concepts. Concepts are insights into the how, where, and why of human behaviour and this is how we learn. It is my intent that by sharing my concepts, and my insights, the reader will have a better understanding of the process of good communication and will work to improve their relationships. The book is written for people who seek understanding of their problems and how to better deal with their issues.


Article
Take care of self first... 
Healthy, well-balanced people do better, relate better to others, and give more to their jobs and the people they love than those who are unwell.
The key is: before you can give to others, you first must be healthy and well yourself.
In my writings, workshops and keynotes, I tell my audiences to "Take care of yourself first, then take care of others". At a recent workshop for a school, a person got himself very upset and told me that I was all but undermining the entire extracurricular program in that school division. I was frustrated by this 'ridiculous' accusation until I realized that he had misinterpreted "Take care of yourself..." to mean "... and to heck with others".
"Take care of yourself first and then take care of others" is not self-centred but rather an expression of self-care. Yes, you DO have to take care of others. That is often what you get paid for, or have signed on for as in being a mother/father, but to be able to do that, you first need to take care of yourself. Not everyone knows how - or is able - to give themselves permission to take care of themselves. Consequently, they hear "self-centred" because they don't see a balanced way of living as an option for themselves, or for that matter for others. I firmly believe that no matter what job you have, healthy, well-balanced people have higher morale, get more done, and are absent from work less often.
Too many people I have had the privilege of working with as a counsellor/therapist have not consciously set their priorities of - first self, then partner, family/friends, and then work. As a result, they have paid dearly with poor health, loss of quality of life, and the disintegration of relationships.
The message here is that it's okay to continue with your "work life" as long as you take care of your "real life" first - yourself, your partner, your family and friends. That way, everyone will get their share of your time and 'best' energy, and you'll get many well-deserved strokes for being in balance and having a life outside your job. Your self-esteem will soar, and you will feel good about yourself and your life. Hopefully!
Of course, if you really want to give all your best time and energy to your workplace and not have a life, fine! But please don't hide behind "If I don't spend all this time I'll lose my job" or "I am doing it for the greater good" (sometimes true). Instead own the fact that creating a balanced lifestyle takes determination, commitment, courage and relatively high self-esteem. Know what you want, what is good for you, know that you deserve it, and then make it happen!
There is a saying, "If you don't know what you want from your life, then someone else will tell you", and their request is most often based on their needs not yours. It is essential that we be pro-active when it comes to our own health. We need a Plan, a Health Plan, a daily/weekly reminder that reflects our commitment to the Fun (quality of life activities) and Relaxation (re-energize) part of our life.
                         Fun, Relaxation and Work in Balance=Quality of Life.

Dr. Dan Rosin is the author of "Finding Balance" and his newest book "Communication & Relationships". For more information see: www.drcounselling.com. He can be reached at (204) 299-9399 or danrosin@drcounselling.com


Winnipeg Fringe Festival 2017

"Resilient"-a musical review of an adoptee's fight for her identity

Where: Pantages Playhouse

When: Thursday, July 20-10:30 p.m.
             Saturday, July 22-6:45 p.m.
             Sunday, July 23-7:00 p.m.
             Tuesday, July 25-12:00 p.m.
             Wednesday, July 26-5:15 p.m.
             Thursday, July 27-10:30 p.m.
             Saturday, July 29-3:15 p.m.

My good friend, Frank Adamson, is directing this musical and I'd like as many of you that can make it, to support him and this year's Fringe Festival.
For $10 it's easily the best entertainment value in town.


Concept from "Communication & Relationships"

"Update and Upgrade!"

The Child (C) doesn't easily forget the lessons of infancy and adolescence, lessons that are often forged out of the necessity to survive.

Rational Thinking and Personal Power are very important attributes for good decision-making. Yet, they don't develop until somewhere between ages 11 and 13 or even later. Children are often forced into making life decisions long before they possess the necessary tools to do so. As a result, they often make bad decisions and are stuck with feelings of inadequacy for all time. Maybe I am jaded, but I see almost every personal problem coming back to the issue of self-esteem. Dramatic? Perhaps but low self-esteem seems to be a precipitating factor in most problematic adult behaviours.

I believe these early decisions that a child makes are completely understandable-the best a 3, 6 or 9 year old with limited resources can make at that time. Unfortunately, the decisions they are forced to make center around surviving in a dysfunctional family or community that is primarily made up of critical, often violent adults with low self-esteem who just don't make the time or possess the understanding to connect with their children.
Sadly, these "role models" dole out many more negative strokes than positive nurturing strokes to their children, which leave scars that often lead to destructive behaviours.

When I see these children as adults, they are often quite convinced that how they feel about themselves, or how they have learned to act-their behaviour-is set in stone. They are convinced that this is whom they are. They do not easily let new data in that would paint a different picture of them than the one they've carried since childhood.

As adults, the criterion that we use to judge how we feel about
ourselves needs to be updated. It can no longer be based on our antiquated childhood feelings. The Adult (A) needs to establish this upgraded criterion based on who the person is today. Often the old feelings that are harboured
by the Child (C) completely prevent my clients from seeing who they now are as adults. Some see themselves as warm and loving individuals who others want to be near, but at the same time, feel inadequate and confused about why anyone would want to be close to them. It is not easy to like yourself when you haven't done so for most of your life. It is not easy to practice self-care when you have never felt worthwhile.

People with low self-esteem need to start identifying and counting all the good things they do and are on a daily basis. The need to understand that these things are in the now and that they can change behaviours that remain from yesteryear. They need to realize that an original decision made as a kid that "I am not okay" was premature. They need to re-decide that they are okay
based on who they are now and the rational information they now have as adults.

"I am okay" is an upgrade based on current information.


Isn't it great to just strap a pair of thongs on your feet, hitch on your knee or calf length shorts, cut off shirt, hat and sunscreen and head for the Forks or your favorite watering hole on Corydon or Osborne? Summer has arrived, make the most of it!

Have a great week in the sun.

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