You are here

Midweek #5, 2017

It's August and the sun is setting earlier. So, if you're putting off fun stuff you can only do in the summer-stop procrastinating and do it!


Communication & Relationships (C & R) is organized into many clearly categorized segments, which enable the reader to digest it in limited doses or to pick and choose the issues according to interest and need. When starting the book, the reader is made aware of the writer's avowed purpose and instructions, and he or she gets the feeling that a conversation is about to begin, one with a very sensitive and intelligent individual. The wide experience and personal anecdotes reflect the author's fascination with the wide range of people's personalities and characters, and it is more than interest: it is caring. Rosin carefully and deftly illustrates how a successful therapist is a perpetual learner.
C & R is formatted like a handbook and the extensive "Contents" precludes the need for an index. It is designed for the modern age, concise, with intensive sound bites, a Google hit that's just what the searcher wants: the perfect tool for someone whose computer is within arm's reach. The use of Venn diagrams, charts, different types of type and summary statements appeals to many readers/ learners whose mode of learning is more visual. At the same time, the conversational tone will be comforting to the reader who is more inclined to the auditory mode of learning.  If one is inclined to write in books, which I was never allowed to do, then there is ample space to do so to add one's own insights and the book size will never create a problem as it sits on one's bedside table for ready reference.

Self-help books are wonderful but the people who should be reading them generally do not feel very compelled to read them.  It is more for those who have to cope with the foregoing. The thesis of Rosin's treatise is that we create our lives in our minds and it is up to us to find coping mechanisms and inner peace through our control of our own feelings and logic. Rosin helps us see the world from the point of view of the other guy and as such is an invaluable tool as we wend our way though our lives.

This book is a suitable companion and follow-up to Rosin's first book,
"I can have fun on a week night!"/ "Finding Balance". His wide experience
as a counsellor and therapist provides him with many insights into human
behaviour and coping mechanisms.

Remember - Monday, Aug. 14, Shapes at Garden City, 2535 McPhillips St., 8-11 am and 4-9 pm-pick up your "free" copy of my newest book, "Communication & Relationships", just because you are a loyal Newsletter/Midweek reader. Get your copy signed and take a look at the facilities if you have time.
Save this reminder in your book, computer, smart phone, tablet, or piece of paper in your left pocket, but do drop by and say hello!

"Artist in Residency"

Mark Humphrey is a local artist. Twenty-five of his paintings are hanging in the Falafel Place restaurant, 1101 Corydon Ave.

Mark sets up shop in front of the restaurant at least twice a week and creates his art. Come by and check out this fine artist. Take home an original piece of art, or an incredible, reasonably priced replica on stretched canvas, a poster, or a t-shirt with your favourite piece of art printed on the front. (Options-don't you just love them!?)

Come on by for a coffee, or some of the best food in town and check out this fabulous artist and his works.


 ARE YOU HAPPY?                           

In my never-ending pursuit of love, truth and the Canadian way, I've been doing quite a bit of reading, lately. And, over discussions with friends and associates, it seemed that peoples' happiness is on the minds of quite a few these days. Even the magazine Psychology Today recently ran an in-depth article entitled 'The Road to Happiness'. It was filled with little 'how-to'
tips compiled by some of the world's leading authorities on the subject. This started me thinking about my own happiness scale and if I've been barking up the wrong tree in attempting to find my own level of happiness.

So, in an effort to spread what little knowledge I have on this (or any other) subject, I present the following for your consideration.
Now, if you've ever thought about it, most people (when asked) will tell you that they are happy. What they are really saying is that, overall, happiness is actually the balance of frequent positives versus the less-frequent negatives in our lives.
As Ed Diener, Ph.D., University of Illinois, said, "Put simply, frequent positive experiences are both necessary and sufficient to produce the state we call happiness."
Now, let's look at what he said. Happy people are motivated to make good things happen in their lives. Less motivated, less happy. Without motivation, a random positive event will only lead to a short-lived form of happiness.
John Reich, Ph.D., Arizona University, agrees. "Winning a lottery may make you happy for a short while, but a random event, occurring without our input, will not create long-term happiness. We need the sense of mastery, of control; the feeling that something good has happened because we caused it to happen."

Studies have shown that the happiest people often have: *fit and healthy bodies; *realistic goals and expectations; *positive self-esteem; *feelings of control; *optimism; *outgoingness; *supportive relationships that allow companionship and confiding; *challenging work and active leisure, punctuated by sufficient rest and retreat; *faith that entails communal
support, purpose, self-acceptance, outward focus, and hope.

Does money mean happiness? Sadly, no. Yet, most of us feel the opposite. Consider this: Compared to the 1960s, the North America of today has doubled its spending power. We have twice as many cars per person, colour TVs, DVDs, microwaves, answering machines, computers, and over $12 billion a year worth of brand-name athletic shoes.  But has this made us feel better about ourselves? No, again. Over the same period, depression rates have soared. Teen suicide has tripled (even with the old adage 'my kids are going to have everything I didn't have'). Divorce rates have doubled. The violent crime rate has exploded.
Wealth is like health. Its absence can make you miserable. But once your real needs are met, having more provides diminishing emotional dividends. A boost in income or possessions can make us feel good temporarily. But, sooner or later, we'll need a bigger money fix.
If you look at the lists of what has, over time, made people happy, you'll notice that they've remained the same over the years: healthy bodies; good, productive jobs, 'love', family and friends. On the inside they feel contentment, peace of mind and satisfaction.
Alex C. Michalos, Ph.D., University of Guelph, Ontario, said, "From my research, the best way to get there is to have a portfolio of desires and interests - some short-range goals and some long-range goals. The short ones so that you can get small pleasures on a fairly routine basis with relatively low cost, and the longer ones so that you have something to look forward to
and to go after in life."
So, how do we get and keep happiness in our lives? *Act happy. Going through the motions can trigger the emotions. *Seek work and leisure that engage your skills. Happy people are often absorbed in tasks they find challenging. *Exercise. (You've heard this one before). *Give priority to close relationships. If you're married (or, at least, heavily involved) resolve
to nurture your relationship, to play and share together. Do not take each other for granted.

And remember that wise old man's saying: "When all else fails, pull down your pants and slide on the ice."
Or my personal favourites: "Work is what you do in between play times."
                                            "How can I make your day better?"

Concept from "Communication & Relationships"

The Language of #1

Rule #1 (2, 3, 4, etc.) - Make Your Partner #1 In Your Life!

He was the stereotypical male! The only time I ever saw him
was when he got kicked out of the bedroom, and then he
would come for only a session or two until "she came to her
senses". Hmm!

He had a problem and it was "her attitude". As of late, she
had made it clear that she was not interested in his "routine sex"
demands, which were every other night. He was baffled and
angry. Name calling wasn't enough; he brought out the Bible and
preached to her. Apparently, having sex with him was her "God
directed duty". And yes, he was serious!

He shared a number of frosty conversations that he and his
wife had had recently. My feelings were that unless he learned the
"Language of #1", the ice-covered wall that seemed to be growing
between them would only get thicker and higher.

The Language of #1 is the language you can use to invite
your partner to feel that they are the most important person in
your life. It means consistently doing what your partner would
recognize as loving and respectful behaviours. It means using
your words and actions in ways that say, "You really matter
to me". This means accepting your partner's "no", as in "no
sex tonight", as an act of love on your part and not an act of
rejection from them.

I shared the concept of the passionate yes, and the courageous no,
which is about having the courage and giving ourselves permission to say
"no" to others so that we will have the energy and passion to say
"yes" when we choose to be involved.

A light bulb went on. He began to understand that getting
what he wanted from his wife and, for that matter, his children
and colleagues, depended a great deal on how he responded to
their wants and needs. Not just his own.

Hey, this is not brain surgery!

Making your partner #1 in your life is insurance-
for a vastly improved relationship.

At this very moment I am tasting pizza done in a small child's oven made by my
 grandchildren Miliah and Conner-what could be better?

Have a great week!