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Midweek, #6, 2017

Had a great time at Shapes on Monday. Signed over 140 books and talked with a lot of people who are truly interested in improving their relationships.

If you could help me find other locations to promote my book, I would greatly appreciate it.

Testimonial for Communication & Relationships

I found your book Communication & Relationships very enlightening to read. I liked the set-up of the book and I enjoyed the short stories on the numerous topics you have discussed or experienced with your clients. I think the book is a definite read for anyone looking to improve their interpersonal skills, whether it is with a partner or fellow employees. You introduced many topics such as communications, self-esteem, relationships and assertiveness. As well, I like how your book communicates important information in a light and sometimes humorous manner.  This makes for enjoyable reading.                                               Henry

Artist in Residency

Mark Humphrey is a local artist (that is true). Twenty-five of his paintings are hanging in the Falafel Place restaurant, 1101 Corydon Ave (that is true). Attached is a link to one of Mark's paintings (this is true this week)

Come on by for a coffee, or some of the best food in town and check out this fabulous artist and his works.


Self Esteem-Through the Ages

The family is the place where new life begins, where we feel at home; it is the place where we develop our lives. The influence of the family helps to shape each family member. The foundation of a person's self-concept is laid during the first two years of life. While the individual may not remember what happened during these years, his or her experiences as a baby are vitally important to the development of self-concept. The person's self-image has its beginning in the limited confines of the home in which the parent-child relationships evolve during the period of babyhood.

Ages 2-6: The child internalizes how people think and feel about her, thus the child's self develops depending on how she is treated by parents and family members.

Ages 6-puberty: The child's self-concept undergoes frequent adjustments. First the child sees himself through the eyes of his parents, teachers, classmates, and neighbours who all influence the development of the child's self-image. If the child experiences love then he will have a healthy self- image, but if deprived of such love or emotional nourishment the child learns to devalue himself.

Adolescence: The individual becomes aware of how her personality affects relationships to others. If the adolescent feels that others find likable qualities in her, the adolescent will be able to make a satisfactory social adjustment. However, if the adolescent's self-image is dependent only upon others' attitudes, then self-alienation is a dangerous possibility.

Late Adolescence: This is a most dangerous period in the development of self-concept because its negative experiences will likely influence the individual's adult personality patterns. The person who believes he is regarded by others favourably begins to accept himself. If, on the other hand, he feels an unfavourable regard, the person's negativistic self-image will cause a person to reject his authentic self. This person will experience personal and social maladjustments later in life.

Middle Age: The individual experiences changes in appearance, competency and roles. These changes affect the person's self-concept; so the person must then revise her self-image. Self-acceptance is necessary during this period for the individual to make a successful adjustment to prepare for the reality of the aging process.

Old Age:  The individual's self-concept is greatly influenced by the manner in which the social group treats him. Adjusting to aging implies accepting the limitations of age. Changes in personality during aging are caused by changes in an individual's self-concept. If the seeds of self-acceptance have been allowed to flourish, then the closing years of life will be filled with greater peace and satisfaction.

It's All About Moi!

I have been in the helping professions, in one form or another, for about 60 years. I started working with kids when I was just a kid myself, 9 or 10. Nightly they would knock on our back door asking if I could come out and play catch, wrestle or just talk. I started coaching at age 15, taught Jr. high in my early 20's, and eventually moved into full time counselling in Sr. high school. During my 20-year teaching career I was constantly attending workshops and conferences, as well as working on my undergraduate and Masters degrees in counselling. I guess I knew at some point in my life I would move into the field of psychology. I received my doctorate in 1987.

After leaving public school, and for the next 18 years, I worked for the Manitoba Teachers Society (MTS) in their Employee Assistance Program (EAP). I saw thousands of teachers, and others in the helping professions. I did hundreds of workshops that I feel really honed my counselling and therapeutic skills.

Some people have asked me, why did you get into the helping profession?
I guess it goes back to those days when I started playing with the neighbourhood kids on my street. I knew when I was 12 that I wanted to work with kids and so teaching was a natural decision and the start of my journey into helping people. Teaching and counselling kids for twenty years, then working with adults in an EAP for another 30 years - each step allowed me to grow and become a better counsellor/therapist.

I love what I do and at age 75 I still work three days a week for Blue Cross (EAP). I work most days, write books (3), produce a weekly newsletter, golf, play with my grandkids, and sing in a jazz quintet. Life is good as long as family relations and health are great!

That's who I am-who are you? Drop me an e-mail and tell me something about you. (Not for print unless you're promoting something and want me to share)

Concept from "Communication & Relationships"

Talk to Me!

In order for couples to improve their communication, you have to provide clear directions for them on how to get there. The standard therapeutic tool of, "Okay, your homework is to meet each day at 10:00 pm-kids finally in bed and after an exhausting day-and then talk to each other." No, that will not work. All you will get are some classic "go-nowhere" replies-"Yep! Nope! Nothing! Okay!"-that will lead fairly quickly to a strained silence.

I have found that people often do a lot of intellectual thinking and planning with clear expectations for their partner, but they don't necessarily share those thoughts with them. What I suggest is that couples create a daily routine where they take the time to
go through a series of questions at an appropriate time-at the supper table.

By asking and answering these questions, they will at least attend to the many expectations they have for each other, while sharing and communicating with one another. Start with the mundane details of your day and end up by sharing your

Questions to ask your partner daily:
How was your day?
What are you thinking about that needs doing tonight/tomorrow?
How can we help each other?
What happened in your day that we both need to know about-particularly to do with kids, family, friends and neighbours?
What expectations do you have for me this evening? Over the next 24 hours?

If it is answers that you seek,
you'd best know the right questions!

         Have a great week and thanks for your support!