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Newsletter Vol. #85 Thats How I See It!

Merry Christmas and yes, Happy holidays (if I am to be politically correct--there's always a first). I hope you are surrounded by loved ones and the spirit of this time of the year. I love Christmas but I always get mushy-I guess it's all the people who aren't here and those who have left us for good. I'll try not to make this edition too maudlin. In fact, I am going to on purpose make it upbeat and humorous. Only two offerings this edition: The Wedding (so if you don't know me that well, you can skip the wedding and get right to the humour) and Humour.

Cayman Island Wedding

Our son Brad was married to Suzanne on Nov. 11 in Grand Cayman. I have done a bit of a chronological of our getting there, what led up to the wedding and the wedding itself. I hope it has some interest for you.

Winnipeg 3 AM- we're getting ready to take off for Grand Cayman and Brad and Suzanne's wedding. There is the season's first blanket of snow on the ground as Pat (Lisa's boyfriend) and I fill his van with an assortment of suitcases. We set off with five adults and two children-could this be considered a menagerie? The early morning does not play nearly as much havoc on our moods, especially the children, and as I had anticipated.

Toronto 8:30 AM- we have an hour to kill before the plane leaves Caymans, and so we walk to get a bite to eat. I visit the scene of the accident where I injured my shoulder rescuing Conner (grandson) from the ground elevator. He decided to go for a ride on the outside of the elevator and I saw a huge post in his future and ran to stop him from being injured. I stumbled, my full weight coming down on my forearm and front of my shoulder. I tore all the pectorals muscles but he came through it unhurt. This time I made it through the airport unscathed.

Grand Cayman 1:40 PM- the wall of heat that usually hits you as you escape the time travelling sphere is not there. A week of rain has cooled the entire island down. Believe me it is still very but not the usual ""take my breath away" heat. Lisa (daughter) and I go for the rental cars. Brad (son) loads up his explorer with the majority of the suitcases and the kids in their car seats. We arrived at Brad's and Suzanne's home, next door to Drinda's (wife) sister's (Nancy and Jay) home, which is next door to Walker and Shayma's home. You got it-three in a row. Just how great is it that Nancy and Jay have an above ground swimming pool. I think it took the kids (Milah, Conner, and Oisin) about five minutes before they had their suitcases torn apart looking for their swimming trunks. Lisa, Pat and our two kids stayed at Lighthouse Point (condo owned by Jay and Nancy) and commuted to the action at Point 3 West.

The week prior to the wedding- I could not believe the changes in Brad's house, previously known as the Warehouse (total bachelor pad). It now had paintings, plants, vases, pillows and lots of homey stuff. Brad gives Suzanne all the credit for the transformation and the "woman's touch" to his, now their house.

The backyard has undergone a total redesign (again to Suzanne's many months of work, apparently Brad helped as well) to include a bamboo fence, yards of grey gravel, white rock highlighting around trees and plants and lighting that brings a new beauty to the yard at dusk and dark. The back deck had been redone since my last visit with beautiful tiles, matching grey furniture and a huge round swing capable of seating most of our family. Brad and I (mostly Brad) had fun getting this to be balanced and usable. Many rocks were moved and last minute details ironed out by Suzanne and her crew. The yard and house ready!

Family Golf Game- Friday a.m. Tom (brides dad), Connor (brides nephew), Brad and myself had a wonderful golf morning. The sun shone over the North Sound golf course and we smashed, crashed, and stick handled our way around a very wet golf course. It had been raining many days in the Caymans before we arrived and had several wet days before the wedding. In fact the weather was becoming a source of concern and stress.

The Boat Cruise- Friday evening Suzanne and Brad rented a huge catamaran boat and took both families out for a four-hour cruise. We had 38 people from two families on one boat drinking and eating and getting to know each other. The food came in waves and I can tell you for a fact that the scallops were absolutely "melt in your mouth delicious." The jerk chicken on a stick was definitely above average as were the other ten choices we had great food, good drink, and great company-an evening to remember and cherish. The evening was an absolute winner Suzanne and Brad.

Wedding Day- rained again last night and early this morning, however, by Saturday noon the clouds parted and the sun graced us with its warm, spirit-lifting presents.

If you ever want a perfect, fairytale location to get married at consider Pedro's Castle on the Cayman Islands. Crystal blue ocean, manicured grounds with trees and plants strategically placed- magic was in the air!

The bride, Suzanne, was absolutely stunning in some kind of beautiful dress (please ladies I don't remember exactly what it was like other than it and she were stunning). The groom, Brad, traded in his coveralls and work boots for a blue tailored suit that he had made in Thailand (a previous holiday). He looked so handsome I checked his ID after the ceremony.

Back to the weather--rain on your wedding day is apparently a very good omen. As I stated it was a rainy time of the year on the Caymans and we had rain most every day up until noon on the Saturday of the wedding. The sun shone all through the ceremony, the pictures (even had a drone shooting overhead shots-can hardly wait to see those), the hospitality table and whatever else takes time at a wedding. However, just as we were moving indoors for the supper and speeches the rain came and we didn't care!

I cannot begin to describe how ornately decorated the tables were. It wasn't a sit down dinner; Suzanne had decorated four separate tables filled with a variety of different themed foods. I never got by the Thai table with its gigantic shrimp and other incredible tasty offerings. I know there was a Mexican food table and a Potato table - perhaps some of you who visited the other table can remind me what it was. The dessert table was not to be believed (I didn't believe it even after five visits). At times this wedding was not just a joyful event but bordered on an experience. A thoroughly thought out and well planned event; a fabulous time was had by all. Brad and Suzanne are now husband and wife for all eternity.

Barbecue- the day after the wedding everyone is invited to Brad and Suzanne's home for a backyard barbecue. Three of the largest containers of beer, wine and ice I have ever seen sit just off the deck awaiting thirsty visitors. Food for the shindig is in the capable hands of Brad's aunt Nancy and has been set up next door. Ribs, chicken, a variety of vegetarian dishes, four different salads, corn, two kinds of potatoes, and a great deal more. A variety of desserts followed the original feast. To say that the barbecue was a success would be a gross understatement.

On a personal note, Drinda and I have been waiting many years for Brad to find his soul mate and have three days like we just experienced.

Golf and a Monsoon- Monday after the weekend was to be a golf day for all those who still remained on the island. However, the weather did not cooperate. Two holes and we were soaked by what could be described only as monsoon type weather. Apparently course had only been closed once due to flooding about 20 years ago. This week it will have been closed on two consecutive days, which was totally unheard of. After an hour of sitting in our drenched clothes (and of course having a libation or two) we decided to head for the lone Star Bar and Grill to indulge ourselves in the bar's specialty- wings and jalapeno poppers, and of course more grape soda! After a couple of hours at the Lone Star we switched barstools and ended up next-door and an establishment that specialize in Scotch (Dan), Rum (Brad) and cigars (Jeff). The rest of the crew stuck to their beer. We did arrive home by cab about 8:30 in a somewhat jovial mood.

I never got to play another game of golf at week but we did stuff with the kids and left for home on Thursday. We were scheduled to be home by 12 midnight Thursday and actually got home about 2 AM. Two cranky grandkids and a cab driver that didn't want to take kids. He took the kids, as I wasn't in a discussion/compromising frame of mind. I took another cab with the other half of the suitcases and managed to get home, and to get all systems flowing within the house and sleeping by 5 AM.

Friday could have been a write off, mood wise, except for the memory of Brad and Suzanne standing on that raised platform stating their vows, the beauty of the surrounding, and the obvious love they have for each other was uplifting. Everything is good in the world!

The rest of the newsletter is Christmas humour that you sent or I lifted off the Internet.

When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life:
1) You believe in Santa
2) You don't believe in Santa
3) You are Santa
4) You look like Santa

Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like
10. Hey! There's a gift!
9. Well, well, well ...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don't like:
1. "I really don't deserve this."

One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
'Look at that, 'remarked Peter to Joe, 'That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!'

 The judge asked the defendant what he was charged with.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," was the reply.
"That not illegal! How early were you shopping?"
"Before the store was open."

 The top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus (really bad ideas)

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say, "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa".
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa".
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
17. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
18. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighbourhood isn't big enough for the both of us." 

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

 The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'

 On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back."

Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for that hard-to-find person.

 Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

 Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and....
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get me
Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

Shortly before Christmas, a businessman was anxious to get home. The business trip had been gruelling and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale.
Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't kiss you."
"That's not what it's there for," said the attendant. "It's so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

 On the Sunday before Christmas Reverend Billy Graham was walking down Highland Street in Mt Holly, North Carolina on his way to see a parishioner. However, he wanted to post a parcel urgently so he asked a young boy where he could find the post office. When the boy had directed him, Reverend Graham thanked him and said, 'If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.'
The boy replied, 'I think I'll give your sermon a miss. If you don't even know your way to the post office, how will you lead me to heaven?'

This humour is for my grandkids and yours

If Santa gets stuck in the chimney, you can get him out by pouring Santa Flush on him.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!

Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"

 Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
A. Santa Clues!

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it "soots " him!

Q. What happened when Guy ate the Christmas decorations?
A. He went down with tinsel-itis.)

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

 What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.

Sometimes Santa will fall down a chimney. Then he's Santa Klutz.

Just before Christmas, two brothers were spending the night at their Grandma's house. At bedtime, they knelt down to say their prayers.
As they closed their eyes, one boy said in a loud voice, "Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a Wii, a telescope and a new bike."
His older brother said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf."
"I know," said his brother, "but Grandma is."

Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.

Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

What do lions sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!

Santa goes up and down so many chimneys that he's thinking of getting a yearly flue shot?

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, and Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas?
No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

What's red and white and black all over?
Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney.

How do snowmen get around?
On their icicles.

Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks?

Q: What do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

Well that's it for this year! If you would like to drop me e-mail (  please do so-phone works as well (204-299-0399).
Have a great Christmas, Hanukkah and a Happy New Year!