“People are as happy as they make up their minds to be."   

                                                                Abraham Lincoln

What’s on Tap: Perfect Gift; Reader Response; If You've Got It-Flaunt It!

Thoughts About Writing Books; Should I Really Join Facebook?              

Perfect gift

^{The book “Finding Balance” (over 10,500 sold) is the all-purpose gift for the professional caregiver (nurse, social worker, educator, counsellor, psychologist, or anybody who works all the time – like woman) in your family/friend/office. In fact “Finding Balance” is the perfect gift for everyone you really care about who needs to be reminded to:}

  Take care of self first,

                              Then take care of others!

I have 72 copies left from the 6^th printing--$10.00 (reg. $19.95)

Pick up at 178 Elm St (call first) or courier by David (neighbour) at $7.00

Dr. Dan Rosin
Phone: 204-488-0359
E-mail: danrosin@drcounselling.com
Web: http://www.drcounselling.com 
Please take a look at my newest book, Communication & Relationships

A question I was recently asked in a marriage counselling session was, “Can we ever go back to the way we were before the affair, can we ever get the good feelings back in light of the way we are feeling now?”

^{Well!!! Yes... You don’t have to separate or divorce but the new relationship will not be the same as the old one. It will be fraught with trust issues, one person guarded and sceptical and the other sorry but angry “that we can’t seem to get by this damn thing.” The new relationship will definitely be fragile.}

The sad part about the “new" relationship is that the focus will be on trust issues and the hurt the affair caused and rarely on why things failed in the first place.

If you have enjoyed, found useful, been entertained or helped in some small way by the newsletter or by “Communication & Relationships”, please let me know (Reader Response) and forward your comments on to your friends.

^{If You’ve Got It—Flaunt It!}

     ^{My friend tells the story of going to “Parents Night” in the gym and the teacher asking if any of them could sing. Only one parent put up his hand, the rest were too shy, embarrassed - a bit short on self-esteem.}

     It reminds me of the daily struggle some people have with self-esteem. They just don’t like their lives or themselves – they are too short – too tall, too fat – too skinny, too dumb – too nerdy. Perhaps early in their lives they missed out on being nurtured by the adults in their life and so don’t know/believe they are special or through some experience, chemical imbalance or character flaw, just can’t grasp that they are ok (I am OK—Your OK).

     The junior high years can be particularly difficult because everything the young person does is held under a peer microscope and severely judged. It seems to me that one of the worst labels to have thrown at you, at this age – 13-16 – is that “You are conceited.” Imagine you think highly of yourself - what an awful person you must be! Your told over and over again by your peers, even by the media, that you are to blend in, look the same, and in essence not stand out, not be special – even if you have special skills/talents. Be humble; don’t demonstrate your gift or you run the risk of being called conceited which leads to arrogance (or so it is said). Doesn’t matter even if you don’t have a special talent your still ok. I love the bumper sticker that says, “God don’t make no junk.” You get the message no matter what your belief system.

     Twenty to thirty years after jr. and sr. high school, the damage is done, we are still being humble, denying our gifts and not giving ourselves credit/strokes for being who we are because we don’t want to appear conceited/arrogant. We are starving for strokes and we have a message in our heads that prevents us from receiving the strokes we need to improve our self-esteem. I believe:

      ^{If you’ve got it -- own it}

      and give yourself even more strokes for sharing it!

^{What do you think?--Dan}

^{A few thoughts that occurred to me while the writing of my two books}

Write about what you know! Be honest, creative and don't be cute (like you think a writer should write like).

I would like the people to read what I have learned/written with an open mind so they are able to take what is meaningful to them and disregard what doesn't fit for them. In other words. don't discount everything the book says because you disagree with some of what it says.

I believe so much unhappiness is brought about because people try and change their partner or try to force them to think and act like they do. You can't change another person, only yourself. People only change when they feel safe (supported) or truly afraid to lose something significant in their life. I would like to remind people of this truth.    

I believe that individuals need to figure out and be committed to how they want their life to be lived. Helpers/writers can only inspire and support their choices.

More thoughts next week.

If you are, or have been a counsellor /therapist or been to one, or should have gone to one, please get a laugh and watch Bob Newhart’s "Stop it!" on u-tube.

^{For Those Over 60 Only}

Should I Really Join Facebook?

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business department I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

^{My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.}

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

 I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...

 When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

 To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

 The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

 Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

 I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but I do pass gas a lot."

 P.S. I know some of you are not over 60. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are. I figured your sense of humor could handle it.

Four days before the big day—need a stocking stuffer or two?

“Finding Balance” $10

“Communication & Relationships”  $5 or 4 for $16

“Family Tree” $15.95

Good luck and happy hunting in the malls

Dan