You are here

Dr. Dan's Mewsletter

Newsletter Vol. #114  "That's How I See It!"

 

     Happy New Year !

 

 

"Men and boys, we show our manhood through the way we treat our women. Our wives, our sisters, our mothers." 

                                                                    Archbishop Desmond Tutu

 

What's on Tap: 

Magic School Yard; Trauma; Writing my two books; One Little Dot.

 

 

I decided to clean the walks! These four days over Christmas, of being totally with my family in our suddenly “very small house” had me looking for, how do you say this gently, “relief from the food, dogs, kids, and the need to make small talk (apparently difficult for me, so I have been told).

 

As I started to shovel the walks, the young man from next door, with whom I had contracted to clean our walks, showed up to perform his appointed duty. So I decided to go for a walk.

 

I wasn’t sure where I was going but my feet kept moving down Elm Street towards Kingsway and beyond. The morning was cool and crisp and the newly fallen snow was beautiful with the early morning sun producing mini-rainbows in many of the trees. Cars were all covered with snow and the street was peaceful except for one lonely snow shoveller. The scene was magical and unreal!

 

I walked on and then it came to me what my mission was and where my feet needed to go!

 

I entered the schoolyard and headed down “the tunnel”. The tunnel was where the wind always funnelled between the school, tennis courts and River Heights Arena. This day after “boxing day” morning, the wind was moderate but biting. Our son Brad and his wife Suzanne left on the 5 AM flight back to their lives on Cayman Island.

 

I walked down the sidewalk beside River Heights School, a path I had travelled many times with my kids and my dogs that needed walking. I reached the corner where the sidewalk ended and the fields began. On my left was the baseball diamond, and as I looked out across the field I saw my daughter, Lisa, and the many young girls I had coached in the past. Lisa was the back catcher, just like I was when I was her age. There they were laughing and giggling and doing their best. A precious memory occurred to me. We were behind by 14 runs and one of the girls turned to me and asked, “Did we win, Mr. Rosin?” It was at that moment, after 18 years of coaching competitive basketball in the junior and senior Winnipeg High School League, that those South Side Sluggers were just what I needed.

 

I gazed out across the snow-covered landscape and smiled as I saw the goalposts for the River Heights Cardinals football field. The field was buzzing with 10-year-olds learning how to tackle, block and “box out” on the corners. I believe these nostalgic memories were brought on by the previous evening’s banter with Brad, Lisa and their friends who dropped over, and we somehow took a wonderful trip down memory lane.

 

As I walked home from that magic school yard, the snow deep enough to make walking difficult, the wind now in my face and biting, I felt a tremendous appreciation for my life and how I had been a part of my children’s lives (just a small tear here). Yes, I am proud of what I have accomplished as an individual, but nothing beats having shared memories with your children.

 

I hope you feel as at peace as I do at this moment!

 

Dan

 

 

          It’s not necessarily how much you contribute to a relationship.

          It’s how much you’re appreciated for what you do contribute.

                     And don’t forget that “timing” is everything!

“Communication & Relationships”, Dan Rosin, PhD 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Past Trauma and How It Interferes With the Present

 

In the present, our brain will try to protect us from past traumas and unresolved threats. It will put us in survival mode.

 

What makes a negative life event traumatizing isn’t the life-threatening nature of the event, but rather the degree of helplessness it engenders and one’s history of prior trauma.

 

We can often avoid being traumatized by an actual life threat if we remain in control of the situation, either by effectively fighting back or by escaping the situation. If we’ve adequately defended ourselves, our survival brain doesn’t need to store the body-mind messages of a trauma as a warning signal in the future.

 

In both PTSD and what we might call “ordinary” trauma, conscious and unconscious memories gratefully intrude upon and corrupt the present moment. Not everyone suffers from PTSD, but each of us has sustained many of the smaller traumas, setting us up for being continually shoved out of the present moment and into a frightening, helpless past.

 

Acquired in a flash and stored for a lifetime, these unconscious, procedural memories serve as a survival mechanism, ready to be unleashed instantly in the face of present, perceived danger. All of these bodily reactions (clenched teeth, cramping in your gut, acid reflux, chronic pain in the neck and back) serve as warnings from your survival brain that an old danger has resurfaced. We can experience a terrifying past exactly as though it were the present.

 

Numerous studies suggest links between early trauma and the development of fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, and chronic back pain, as well as a variety of autoimmune diseases. The body remembers, and keeps on remembering.

Making your partner #1 in your life is insurance— for a vastly improved relationship.                                  Communication & Relationships”, Dan Rosin(PhD)                                                                                                                                                                                          

More thoughts on writing my two books

 

I was so amazed at the testimonials people gave my first book, “Finding Balance”, that I truly looked forward to writing a second book. That book turned out to be, “Communication & Relationships”. 

 

 

  • During therapy, it is clear what is helpful and meaningful to my clients and I wrote about that. Just why these insights make for good reading, I am not really sure, but it seems that people can identify with the issues and problems, and when they read about how we handled the issue, whether we were successful or not, it is still helpful. It gives them hope and sometimes a place to start.
     
  • I wanted to keep the “one page concept”, (short and sweet), which is consistent with the first book. It makes it more readable, especially for men who are not prepared to wade through multiple pages to get to "the point".
     
  • I also wanted to create a positive picture of therapy; one that is less intimidating, more creative and more fun, so that people who do need help but refuse to seek it because of negative stereotyping and bad jokes would now step forward.
     
  • Most concepts in the book started with an "a ha!" moment occurring during the "Therapeutic Hour(s)". It is my hope that the reader will recognize many of the concepts as something that could occur in their own lives and learn better ways to deal with their issues, to see more possibilities for change, and to be more accepting of people and situations that are different from themselves.
     
  • I want to keep the price of the book reasonable so that finances are not a deterrent to somebody who needs to read this material.
  • -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The amount of spark in a relationship is directly

  proportional to the amount of work done on

behalf of the relationship by both participants.

  However, whoever has the least amount of

                        feeling—spark—needs to work the hardest!

 

                   “Communication & Relationships”, Dan Rosin (PhD)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

One Little Dot...

A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a 'period'," he replied.

"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?" "Darned if I know," said the boy; "But yesterday my sister was missing one;

Mom fainted; Dad had a heart attack; and the boy next door joined the Navy."

 

 

This will be the last newsletter for 2018.

 

From my family to yours, Have a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year.

 

Dan

Newsletter: