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Dr. Dan’s “Final Edition”

 
Friday was a very special day, a very exciting day. The first copies of “Communication & Relationships” came off the press and into my "hot little hands”.

 Writing a book is hard but rewarding. Seeing it in print--the look of it, the smell of it-- is so gratifying and exciting.

 I am extremely pleased and proud of how it looks and it's potential to be helpful. I know it’s just one book of tens of thousands of books, however, I hope when you read it, you will experience the insight, simplicity and value of the various concepts, then I can feel it was worth the effort. 


 What's on Tap!

 Past Trauma; Hey There! Goodbye Old Friend; One Liners; Lawsuit; Useful Tips on How to Stay Married; Final Edition!


  Past Trauma Can Interfere With Present Behaviour

 I recently read an article by Robert Scaer, M.D., on trauma. It got me thinking about the part that previous life traumas play on our thoughts, feelings and behaviours in the present. We know that our brain thinks it’s protecting us from those past traumas and unresolved threats by not remembering that trauma and slipping into old survival behaviours.

 So what makes a trauma so traumatizing? Well it is not the life threatening event itself, but rather the degree of helplessness that one feels at that moment when the trauma is occurring. We can avoid being traumatized if we somehow maintain a sense of control of the situation by fighting back or escaping the situation. When we are able to defend ourselves, our brain doesn’t find it necessary to store this event so as to protect us in the future. However, many times we are not able to defend ourselves and these traumatic events get locked in our body and mind only to resurface in a stressful moment in the future.

To heal, an individual must recover from the state of helplessness that defines the traumatic experience. During a traumatic event, a person experiences physical helplessness and effectively freezes into that state, leading to all manner of pain and illness (clenched teeth, acid reflux, chronic pain in neck and back, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, and a variety of autoimmune diseases). To recover one needs to thaw out the body. One needs to access the felt sense of the trauma and allow the failed motor defence (response to the original trauma) to emerge in the form of a “freeze discharge” wherein the individual moves out of immobility into an effective fight or flight response. The traumatized person needs to relive the original trauma with a different outcome.     Scaer

 In the work of trauma recovery, “full recovery” is a rarity. It is very difficult to totally extinguish the original trauma. However, the key to any success in this area is to relive and let go of the original traumatic event. Exercise, yoga, meditation, laughter and positive people can help. 


 Hey there,                                                                                

I know you know that I have been working on a new book, “Communication & Relationships” and that it will be launched this Wednesday, February 27, 7:00 pm, at McNally Robinson (Grant Park). I am also re-publishing “Finding Balance" (spruced it up after 10,500 sales). It has a wellness/stress theme. 

I can’t lie… I am super excited!

Here’s the thing: I still need help spreading the word about the launch. 

I’d love for you to be part of that, which is why I’m asking you to take a few minutes of your time over the next two days, before the launch, and inform your friends and Social Media contacts of this event.

You could use the sample letter below to encourage people to attend the launch and to let them know how to purchase the book.

 

Hi …

Just a short note to let you know that (my friend) Dr. Dan Rosin is launching his second book, "Communication & Relationships”, (C&R) at McNally Robinson (Grant Park) on February 27, at 7:00 pm. I have read the book and highly recommend it as an invaluable tool to assist most of us in our day-to-day challenges. It would also make a great gift for someone you care about.

Dan is also re-releasing his first book, “Finding Balance", at this time having sold 10,500 copies to date.

I would like to help him achieve “Number One Best Seller” status, but more importantly, I think most people could really benefit from the concepts in his books, and the fact that each topic is only one to three pages long makes it easy to read in short bursts as time permits. It could even replace Grandma’s ‘Readers Digest’ in the family “reading room”!

If you are inclined to get on board with these ideas, you could do one of three things:

- drop down to McNally Robinson the week of February 24-March 6 and purchase a copy of C&R,

- purchase a copy online the week of February 24 - March 6, or

- join me at the launch on February 27 and purchase the book.

 As an additional incentive, if you purchase both books, Dan will give you his family game, “The Family Tree”, (a $39.95 value) “free.”

To purchase online at McNally Robinson, go to: www.mcnallyrobinson.com

Really hope to see you there.

signed


 Some of the words and feelings that come to mind when I think about producing this newsletter over the last decade: Elated! Rejected! Depreciated! Appreciated! Happy times! Ignored! Worried! Judged! Cared for! Fulfilled! I guess the latest words would be: Tired! Sad! Time to do something different!

It's like saying goodbye to an old friend. So, "Goodbye old friend."


Lawsuit

 A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

 "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

 "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant. "Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

 Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer,

"Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."

 "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer.

 "But I did send them," said the defendant. "What?! You did?" "Yes, That's how we won the case.""I don't understand," said the lawyer.

 "It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but I enclosed the plaintiff's business card!"


 One liners referring to C & R

 I know you really don’t want another book, but this book has several answers that will help you to live better.

 I don’t want you to buy “Communication & Relationships”, I want you to purchase a resource that will make your life better.

 “Communication and Relationships” is a cookbook of personal and interpersonal issues and ways to solve those issues.


 I really want you to see the book's new jackets but my mass distribution program will not allow that to happen. I guess you will just have to drop into McNally Robinson bookstore to see for yourself.  


Useful Tips On How To Stay Married/Relationship!

 1.     Be a good “Active Listener.” I’ve heard it said that the number one way to show that you really care about someone is to listen to them. So, remember to really focus on your partner, put the paper down or turn off the TV, turn your chair and give the speaker your eyes and remember to be in the same room when having a conversation.

2.     When the speaker, your partner, is going down one road, don’t head in a different direction. In other words, don’t change the topic that your partner is speaking about to suit your agenda.

3.     Don’t interrupt the speaker; really listen to what they have to say. They will really appreciate your attention. Surprisingly, what you have to say is not really more important than what the speaker is saying.

4.     This might be a shock to you but you do not have “Universal Truth”. It is a matter of fact that nobody, at least no human, has universal truth. You have your own thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs and they are valid as long as you identify them as yours and do not try to impose them on others. "I" see it this way—how do you see it?

5.     “I” language is the new language of choice. Old language used too many “You" references. “You always...” “You never..." “You should...” “You” language is a dumping, blaming language that erodes the person’s self-esteem and the moment your partner hears it, communication ceases.

6.     You never want to win over your partner. Remember, if we have a winner, then we have a loser, and very shortly we have two losers.
Good communication is not about winning. It’s about listening, and speaking in a way so as not to invite the other person to feel they have to defend themselves. It’s about respecting the other person’s perspective—while, of course, maintaining respect for your own.           
                   Dr. Dan Rosin, “Communication & Relationships"

7.     I have heard it said that 93% of communication is tone, inflection and body posture, and that only 7% is content. So remember, it’s not
necessarily what you say but how you say it that gives meaning to your words.

8.     Questions to ask your partner daily: (Start with the mundane details of your day and end up sharing your feelings.)

           -How was your day?

-What are you thinking about that needs doing tonight/tomorrow?

           -How can we help each other?

-What happened in your day that we both need to know about-particularly to do with kids, family, friends and neighbours?

-What expectations do you have for me this evening? Over the next 24 hours?

Start each day with the Couples Mantra, "How can I make your day better!"

Remember: “Our differences are to be respected and cherished, not something to be attacked or changed.”

What I need from you is, "I need you to respectfully listen to me even if you

            don't agree with me!"

For more information and articles, go to www.drcounselling.com


 Final Edition!

 You might say that this is the end of an era for me! It has been 12 years and over 300 editions since the first newsletter lit up your screen, with a few starts and stops in between. It is my hope that the next era of my life is not driven as much by the word “Productive” as the first 3-4 eras of my life. I am 76 and needing a different direction. My health this past two years has had me thinking that I am not invincible and need to make sure I don’t leave any “Bucket List” activities undone.

 You may hear from me in the future, in a different format, because I still have things to say and do. Until then:

 Adios! So long!

Take care of yourself and your family!

Fade to black!

Remember to turn out the lights!

Good night!

 

Dan Rosin  

 

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