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"Notes" #1 Are You There For Me

Hi, Dan Rosin here.

For me, the only positive thing to come out of the Covid-19 crisis is-- time.

For several years I sent you a newsletter, "That's How I See It" (over 300 editions). However, a year ago (Feb. 2019), I burned out on a separate project--marketing my new book Communication & Relationships.  I overdid it and needed to walk away from the computer for the past year.
I don't hate my computer anymore! I have some energy and think I would like to share "stuff" with people once again. Plus, under the present circumstances with Covid-19,
I have more time to think and write. What I am planning to do is to share a piece of writing with you most weeks. Not really a big commitment for the reader or myself. I thought I would call the blog, "Notes", at least until someone comes up with a more creative handle.
I cannot, in good conscience, keep you on my old mailing list, so if you do not want to receive "Notes", please unsubscribe below. I will need a positive response to this request to move ahead with this project.
"Notes" #1                Are You There For Me?

It goes without saying, but it is extremely necessary in a long-term relationship that individuals learn to communicate well. They have to learn to listen well, to eliminate that tone, and to share, not sell, their thoughts and feelings. But it's deeper than that!

For the therapist, it's a matter of slowing down the process, learning to reflect back on what you are seeing and hearing in the couple's encounter so that they can fully explore their methods of interaction and come to understand their own thoughts and feelings. If we just do that, playback what the clients are thinking/feeling towards each other, they would be more likely to break through the anger and silence and become aware of the sadness and fear that they are holding onto. But it's even deeper than that!

He says, "I'll be nicer to you when I get more sex", and she says, "You'll get more sex when you're nicer to me (and the kids)." But it's much deeper than that!

The fundamental question, the bottom line test of a relationship is, "Are you really there for me? Am I #1 in your life, before your job, your family of origin, and your friends?" Couples fight about a lot of things, but it all comes down to, Do they feel safe and secure in their relationship with one another?

The perceived answer to these questions will often determine the severity of the fighting and the longevity of the relationship. It seems we all need to feel that secure attachment to our partner, to really trust them so we are able to relax and become more emotionally engaged with them.