You are here

"Notes" #27

You Had An Affair-Should You Tell?

There was a time when therapists, including myself, thought it best to encourage their clients to share totally about the affair. That was done, of course, in the best interests of transparency and total honesty about the past, present and future between partners. Sometimes that worked out well, and sometimes it was a disaster.

Times have changed and I know for myself that there are no absolutes anymore for people because I truly don't know what is best for them - all I can do is try to assist them in determining what is best for themselves. Hopefully, they will find that path.

It's not that telling one's partner the truth is wrong, but what needs to come before that is the person having the affair needs to fully understand their own behaviour, recognize the deep pain they have caused, and truly feel remorse. If they cannot do this, what would stop them from doing it all over again? Understanding what caused them to stray and  accept that behaviour is critical to the person's ability to repair their ethical and moral responsibility to the relationship.


I have heard the statistic that "Children laugh 375 times in a day and adults 14 times". Being an adult doesn't seem like much fun. How do we do it; take the fun out of our day? Here are some of the internal dialogues we tell ourselves that rob us of our fun energy.

What will the neighbours think?
Don't start anything you're not going to finish!
Grow up!
Be perfect!
Act your age!
Anything worth doing is worth doing well!
You look ridiculous. Don't make a fool of yourself.
What will my friends think?

A sure way of losing the fun in life is to try and live up to adult expectations.

Did you know that laughter causes the brain to create endorphins, which relieve stress and activate the immune system? Here are three suggestions for a "funner" day: --tell at least one new joke every day
                         -- find someone to laugh with you when you made a mistake
                         -- do a favour for one person in your life at least once a week.


The left side of the brain appears to govern the ability to use language, writing, and mathematics, to perform logical deductions and other types of analysis, and to be disciplined. The right side of the brain appears to govern visual, spatial, artistic, and intuitive concepts, plus being the source of imagination and spontaneous play.


I am definitely not a political person, so for me this is out of character. With only 5 days to go until the American election, this next piece is from my left field.

From Left Field

Sometimes I just don't understand myself. I have this morbid curiosity about Donald Trump!

Is it that I just can't believe the president of the United States would lie so easily and often, or is it that I haven't dealt with enough narcissistic and morally corrupt liars in my time? Or is this fascination due to my disbelief that people would actually support such an obviously dysfunctional person who rarely talks about the needs of the American people and has no real programs or plans for running the country? (If he has plans, why doesn't he state them instead of just bad mouthing his opponents?) He just attacks -he has no substance, and openly criticizes even politicians in his own party to the point of encouraging rioting and subversive activities.

Yeah, I think that's it! I watch in fascination of just how low this man will go to remain in power and wonder what kind of people support that kind of behaviour. They don't just support him; they make him into an icon. What do they see that I don't?

Anyway, out of morbid curiosity I watched the third debate and it was the same-never answered the moderator's questions, just badmouthed and attacked - no substance.

I don't know if Joe Biden is the answer to America's myriad of problems, but I have no doubt that Donald Trump is definitely not the answer. Good luck America-choose wisely!

So that's how I see it! How do you see it? Are there redeeming qualities to this man that I don't see--fill me in. (Trump supporters--please don't just attack-give me some real facts and feelings as to why you would support him--I am open to hearing you!)