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The Language of #1

Rule #1 (2, 3, 4, etc.) – Make Your Partner #1 In Your Life!

He was the stereotypical male! The only time I ever saw him was when he got kicked out of the bedroom, and then he would come for only a session or two until “she came to her senses”. Hmm!

He had a problem and it was “her attitude”. As of late, she had made it clear that she was not interested in his “routine sex” demands, which were every other night. He was baffled and angry. Name calling wasn’t enough; he brought out the Bible and preached to her. Apparently, having sex with him was her “God directed duty”. And yes, he was serious!

He shared a number of frosty conversations that he and his wife had had recently. My feelings were that unless he learned the “Language of #1”, the ice-covered wall that seemed to be growing between them would only get thicker and higher.

The Language of #1 is the language you can use to invite your partner to feel that they are the most important person in your life. It means consistently doing what your partner would recognize as loving and respectful behaviours. It means using your words and actions in ways that say, “You really matter to me”. This means accepting your partner’s “no”, as in “no sex tonight”, as an act of love on your part and not an act of rejection from them.

I shared the concept of “passionate yes, courageous no”, which is about having the courage and giving ourselves permission to say “no” to others so that we will have the energy and passion to say “yes” when we choose to be involved.

A light bulb went on. He began to understand that getting what he wanted from his wife and, for that matter, his children and colleagues, depended a great deal on how he responded to their wants and needs. Not just his own.

Hey, this is not brain surgery!

Making your partner #1 in your life is insurance—for a vastly improved relationship.