Notes

Hi, Dan Rosin here.

For me, the only positive thing to come out of the Covid-19 crisis is-- time.

Some Things Are Really Out Of Whack!  
Liquor store thefts are totally out of control and will lead to lawlessness in other facets of society.
If criminals are allowed to steal with impunity at the liquor stores, what is to stop them from expanding to any other businesses that are there for their choosing? What's to stop them from hitting any of the stores in any shopping mall, the food stores, or any business, small or large?

Donald Trump, on April 24/20 stated:

"And is there a way we can do something like that, by injections inside or almost a cleaning," Trump said Thursday, speaking to research into the effectiveness of disinfectant wipes and other products on virus-laden saliva and respiratory fluids. "Because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that. So, that, you're going to have to use medical doctors with. But it sounds - it sounds interesting to me."

Things Successful Couples Do!

COVID-19 has meant seclusion, staying at home, no work, no theatre, no sports, no gym or dinners out to break the monotony of constantly being together. Living day after day "together" can create some tension, and if we don't have the normal stress relievers/escape activities, things can build up and irritations can become full-blown anger episodes.

The Rewards of a Loving Relationship Are Awesome!

Why do people go for couples/marriage counselling? To change things; to make things better.

Some of the symptoms of a failing relationship include: lack of sex, financial incompatibility, abuse, lack of communication. Many feel a lack of connection, a separation that leads to feelings of loneliness, and an actual lack of "spark" between partners.

I asked my 10-year-old granddaughter if she would like to write a small piece for my blog- "Notes", about her experience of being housebound during COVID-19. She had her usual academic work (grade 4) to do and was actually being somewhat hesitant (" miserable"-her words) about doing her home schooling this particular morning.

I think that most people know the importance of exercise, a good diet, sleep, laughter, and having fun, in establishing a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Did you know that one of the most important contributors to your well-being and energy level is having "purpose and meaning" in your life. As well, we need to have goals and a commitment to those goals so as to realize our purpose and not just wish for it. Our commitment to our purpose and goals is fuelled by a passion for our goals.

The person was totally overworked, working 60 hours a week, sometimes 10 days in a row and of course was near burnout. He had tried many times to convince the workplace to change how it treated their employees and it seemed nobody listened, not even colleagues. The quotas and bonuses were more important than personal health.

After working in Wellness for a number of years, I find that a great deal of confusion still seems to exist regarding the meaning of the word "wellness". The purpose of this article is to provide some clarification. Let us first look at the term "wellness."

He Did What He Thought Was Right!

Wow, there are still people in this world with integrity!

I have publicly stated that if the United States voters elected Donald Trump for a second term, I will have lost all respect for that country.

Just Hold On A Minute!        Written by a concerned reader of "Notes

Here is a great question from a very knowledgeable reader:

Therapy does not solve everything. Some problems are insurmountable. When do you decide as a therapist that the cost-benefit is not worth it? Of course, the couple has to decide that. But if one person wants to work on it and the other doesn't. When is enough, enough? What criteria are used in that case to say something isn't working. Some couples give up too soon. Some stay too long. Some are locked into staying even when miserable.

In every copy of my new book, "Communication & Relationships" that I signed sitting in a variety of locations (Shapes (10), restaurants (6), banks, malls (4), and even some bookstores), before I signed my name I wrote, "The mantra on every couples wall ought to be: How can I make your day better?"
I believe that sentence is magic. DR

Let's Not Fight In The Parking Lot!

These are stressful times! COVID-19 has basically shut down our lives. Our usual coping mechanisms (activities/events) that brought us joy and acted as a diversion from many of the "have to's" in our daily life have been put on hold.

Confused!

Pt. 2    Trip to Cuba   (Feb. 2020)

The Year That Wasn't!

Do you realize it is the middle of August? Where has this year gone? COVID-19 has robbed us of the last five months and probably many more months to come. All gone! No rich new experiences, no travel to visit relatives, no exploring new restaurants, sports are a hodgepodge, no theatre, symphony or late-night jazz, no breakfast with my friends. On the other hand we have saved a great deal of money (big deal), not doing these things that really make life worth living.

And Baby Makes Three

A book recommended to me by one of my clients who had just had a baby was, "And Baby Makes Three" by John and Julie Gottman. Here are some of the highlights of my review of the book:

67% of the couples who had a baby had become very unhappy with each other during the first three years of the baby's life.

A few months before Covid-19, I was asked to speak to a women's group on the topic of, "Relationships and Why They Fail". They were a hoot despite the seriousness of the subject. They asked some really tough questions and I did my best to answer them as honestly as I could. Many of these women were in abusive relationships and felt stuck, and were looking for answers. Here is a sampling of some of the questions they asked:

In my previous work life with the Manitoba Teachers Society, I would do 20-30 Wellness Workshops a year and almost all the workshops ended with this story called, "The Wooden Bowl".

Hi!

You presently receive "Notes" and I hope you are enjoying the offerings. I know a number of you take the opportunity to give feedback and to express your own opinions on the various topics. That is much appreciated. Perhaps you would care to share "Notes" with a select few on your email list? If so, I have prepared a short note that you could send them to introduce "Notes" to them. (Use all or parts of the note.)

Hello (their name here).

I Meet You and Then I Give Up My Friends?

A profound thank-you to a reader of "Notes" and author of the piece on COVID below. You now have me thinking about how I see this experience with COVID-19.

                    Helpless-Hopeless-Hapless (H-H-H)

Did You Know-Men and Woman Are Different?

I was brushing my teeth the other morning, (absolutely no connection to what I am about to say), and this thought popped into my head. Why is it that a great many men think they are always in a positive place, that they are in the best of humour, that they are ready to party and play, and that their wives/partners are just "party poopers", always finding a way to derail their fun-loving ideas?

Permission vs. Courtesy

The subject of permission came up with a friend when I suggested a breakfast date. Do I really need my spouse's or partner's permission before I can decide to do something (like stop for a beer with colleagues, or set up a golf game), or can I make that decision on my own with the understanding that if she needs me, I will extend her the courtesy and change my plans.

You Had An Affair-Should You Tell?

There was a time when therapists, including myself, thought it best to encourage their clients to share totally about the affair. That was done, of course, in the best interests of transparency and total honesty about the past, present and future between partners. Sometimes that worked out well, and sometimes it was a disaster.

Regrets

I was practising a piece of music the other day when a couple of lines in the song really resonated with me.
Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each chartered course
Each careful step along the by-way
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
                             "My Way"-Paul Anka

The American election ended, well sort of, but I was left with feeling total shock at how close the vote was, and then and then I picked up on all the anger that Trump and his followers were spewing. Attack, attack; you screwed us out of winning by voter fraud; you cheated; anger, anger!

             Enlightened people move away from
                              conflict and confrontation.

Is It Worth The Price?

Mark Jacobson, environmental engineer states, "Transitioning to 100 per-cent clean, renewable energy is entirely doable by 2050, with much by 2030." However, I don't believe this green, renewable stance is "free". This alternative still has a downside.

Yes it is doable by 2050, but what will be the impact of mining those metals and minerals needed to build wind turbines, solar panel batteries (lithium) for energy storage, and the running of electric vehicles, all 1.2 billion of them.

A "Notes" reader requested some information on anxiety, so here is a one page synopsis on that topic.

In every copy of my new book, "Communication & Relationships" that I signed sitting in a variety of locations (Shapes (10), restaurants (6), bank, malls (4), and even some bookstores), before I signed my name I wrote, "The mantra on every couples wall ought to be: How can I make your day better?"
I believe that sentence is magic. DR

I'm at a Loss!

Happy New Year! I am glad you are out there.

What can I say that hasn't already been said about 2020.  Most of what is being said is negative, and the number of really significant events of last year are, I believe, contributing to a general worldwide malaise bordering on depression.

If you remember last weeks "Notes" #36 started out about New Years Resolutions and morphed into an article about change. Here is instalment two.

Change

When starting the "change process,"
it is not what you stop doing that is most important,
but rather what you start doing!

So much COVID in the news--daily reports, sacrifice and not knowing when it all will end. Maybe we can learn from the past?

This poem written in 1869, reprinted during 1919 Pandemic was sent to me by my friend Jake (somewhat less than 100 years ago). Is history repeating itself?

This is Timeless ....

A number of years ago I volunteered at the lighthouse Mission on Main Street. It was there that I got my first introduction to what homelessness was all about. I spent the better part of the fall and winter serving up meals and coffee, lots of coffee, to a most interesting and diverse group of individuals. To say that I had my eyes opened to a way of life that this privileged white guy had no experience or understanding about, would have been an understatement.

Fake Commute

The headline read, "Fake commuting is a real alternative" (Sylvain Charlebois, Free Press) and I got a kick out of it.

COVID has kept us cooped up and away from our daily routines, so going for a short ride and a coffee, breaks the tedium and feels like a real treat.

I love the title of Dr. Charlebois's article because any reference to the word "fake" is a reminder that the person who made the word famous is now completely out of touch with reality, 45 is the real "fake".

Real Voice

We know that early childhood memories and how one is treated can leave a mark on a person even as an adult. Hundreds of books have been written on this topic and a multitude of therapies have their roots in this phenomena/experience. The kind of youthful experiences we have does impact many of our adult decisions and behaviours. However, it never fails to excite me when I am confronted with a client who suddenly comes to understand that they are coping in adult life with behaviours they learned as a child. There is now the possibility for change.

Workplace Stress
                                             
  The greatest predictor of workplace stress is
    the relationship one has with one's immediate supervisor.

Presently I do a lot of work with Irrational Belief Systems (e.g. I must be loved by everyone and everyone must love everything I do; I must be intelligent, competent and capable at all times and in everything I do --just a few of the irrational belief myths identified by Dr. Albert Ellis-Next week I'll have a complete list of Dr. Ellis's irrational beliefs.) I mention Dr. Ellis and his Irrational Beliefs System as a way of introducing my own huge irrational therapeutic belief.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all you of Irish heritage and to those who wish they were!

An Irish blessing

May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two,
May the sun always shine in your window pane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow the rain,
May the hand of a friend be always near you,
May God fill your heart's gladness to cheer you.

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Change--You Need An Action Plan!

Is the Reserve System Working For Our Indigenous Canadians?

In Maclean's, "Letters to the Editor", I found this idea of replacing reserves with the existing "municipal" system of government quite interesting.

Some thoughts on "Affairs." (Not recommended)

After the Affair

In this case it was a woman who was cheated on - could just as easily been a man. She felt extremely hurt, betrayed and understandably mistrusting. She felt she had to keep tabs on him, in the beginning, to make sure he wasn't still "doing it"-cheating.

Well that's a couple of hundred "That's How I See It!" Newsletters, and now 50 "Notes" that have been sent. So where are we now after these 50 blogs have been read and discarded? Well, it seems we're in the middle of a Pandemic and some people have lost their minds.

"I will be doing some thinking and writing in my time off but could certainly use some help, some motivation, so if you have any ideas, suggestions, stories, jokes, situations, memories you would like to share, please do so." danrosin@drcounselling.com

This is what I left you with when I closed Notes down for the summer in June. So far only one person has sent anything in.

Percy

The article in the Free Press read, "Slow Train to Freedom", and it told of how the CPR and CNR railways and their black porters had such a influence on Western Canadian black community life. The article took me in a completely different direction.

"Will You Tell the Truth, the Whole Truth..."
I think it is time to fess up! In "Notes" #56 I strongly hinted that I was about to retire when I said, "...tomorrow, my first day of retirement". Well, I didn't retire!

After 2 1/2 months off this past summer with much golf being played, reading a lot, barbecuing, long walks, playing with the grandchildren, and starting up my music again, I began to think about those long winter days and changed my mind. Technically I retired, just not all the time!

Letter to Our Provincial Government           (written July, 2021)

In the middle of a world pandemic, and while we're presently under the most stringent lockdown our democratic country has ever seen...

You decide to not give our nurses a contract, which they have been without for four years, and put them in a legal strike position.

A young COVID expert sent in this response. An expert in the vaccination experience-she is my 11 year old granddaughter Miliah.

"Happy New Year!" I personally don't feel all that optimistic about 2022; there are just too many people still exerting their "right" to be stupid and not vaccinating and so are keeping the whole COVID thing going. Enough of that downer stuff. I just gave my head a good shake (or was it the scotch I just had a shot of). Whatever, I'm my old positive self again and hope you are as well.

Stress, Serotonin and Depression

Confrontation and its Relationship to "Winning".

Arguments and fights often occur because "someone is trying to win". (Oh, have I said that before?) One or both partners are interested in having their point of view accepted as the one that is "correct". As a result, instead of listening to what is being shared, the person is rehearsing their response, which inflames what is already a problematic mode of communication. Winning becomes the goal; respecting the other person's perspective is no longer important.

Feelings Are Really Okay!
 
When I was young and got hurt I was told "Stop crying, be a man" or "you're too old to cry." I am not sure what was said to young women. However, for most of us males, from the time we are young to talk to the time we learn otherwise-if we learn otherwise-were taught to keep our feelings to ourselves, bottled up. As a result of this conditioning we conclude it is not okay to show emotion. The consequences of this closing off may be inappropriate expression of feelings in our adult years.
 

I have shared this article before but it bears repeating-I believe it will make you laugh hysterically or at least crack a smile.

This is an article submitted to the Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

Hi "Notes" readers

I have been thinking about putting out the "Notes" blog once again but am wondering who is still reading it!

I turned 80 this past July. I still feel great and have lots of energy to play golf, see 10 to 12 clients a week at Blue Cross, entertain seniors, and perhaps do some writing for the blog.

I have been thinking about putting out the "Notes" blog once again but am wondering who is still reading it!

I turned 80 this past July. I still feel great and have lots of energy to play golf, see 10 to 12 clients a week at Blue Cross, entertain seniors, and perhaps do some writing for the blog.

I do understand there is so much information coming at you from all your technical gadgets that an email every week or from me just might not have the same interest it once did. So, I need you to tell me if you would like me to continue to produce "Notes".

It seems like the email I sent to you requesting you contact me about the "Notes" blog was received. However, the link I sent you (xxdanrosin@drcounselling.comxx) apparently no longer works. So what does work? danrosin@mymts.net 

Please let me know if you would still like to receive the free blog "Notes". Simply indicate  Yes or No at danrosin@mymts.net 

I just want to say "welcome" to you folks who signed up for my "Notes" blog. I do not understand this huge influx of subscribers (600 in the last 5 weeks) but I certainly welcome you all.

I would like very much to know who you are, so drop me a note and introduce yourself. danrosin@drcounselling.com

LAST: 

REMINDER                                          CHANCE                                    OPPORTUNITY

"Notes" is a free blog put out by myself- Dan Rosin. As you well know it is a combination of articles, some written by myself, some by others, that I find interesting, and sometimes they are even provocative. I spruce up each week's "Notes" offering with humour, a variety of sayings, poems, and short information pieces. I do "Notes" because I enjoy doing it!

Hi Dan Rosin here---again!

No Rant today just some information about an event that is taking place tomorrow Sunday, August 22. Why am I taking the time to tell you about this, it's because my friend Mark Humphrey will be one of the hundred local artisans who have set their booths up to show off their skills and artistic abilities. As that old ad stated, "It's worth the trip."

Manitoba Night Market
Assiniboine Downs
Sunday, August 22, 1 PM-11 PM
100 local artisans
Food trucks, Live bands, Beer gardens

Oh, I wonder who just received her certificate in the mail today--Masters of Marriage & Family Therapy? Oh, our daughter Lisa did.

Congratulations Lisa you slugged it out and made it happen and we are incredibly proud of you!
                                            Lol  Mom & Dad (Drinda & Dan)

                               ------------------------------------------------------

Let's Do More With Less!

When the "do more with less" policy hits your school, department, or agency, what do you do about this? Do you work harder, stay at work later, take work home for the weekend-- work more and play less? Eventually a crisis of psychological burnout or physical collapse occurs and you are forced to rethink your decision about how to handle work.

nope!

I never thought that I would have the desire to write about 45 again but.... His effect on the Republican Party is surprising, startling, remarkable, and absolutely scary.

For you who are receiving "Notes" 41 for the second time, I apologize. My mass distribution program or MTS (I have had trouble with them previously) did not send the blog out to several hundred subscribers--hence a second sending of this weeks "notes".

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I never thought that I would have the desire to write about 45 again but.... His effect on the Republican Party is surprising, startling, remarkable, and absolutely scary.

No Cake for You!

Did you hear the one about the "cake artist" who refused to make a wedding cake for a couple? The couple sued! In a fit of anger the "artist/baker" refused to make wedding cakes for anyone.

The baker argued in a US court room that he was being punished for following the dictates of his religion. He said he would sell any of his baking products to anybody, any nationality, colour, gay or straight, but not wedding cakes. He is a fervent Christian and weddings are a religious event, so no wedding cakes to gay people.

Hi, Dan Rosin reaching out to you.

I have received at least 600 new subscribers to my "Notes" blog in the last month. I am not complaining, but puzzled by this sudden interest in the blog. Generally I receive 2-3 new subscribers a month.

If you have recently started to receive the "Notes" blog, would you kindly contact me danrosin@drcounselling.com and let me know if you signed up for my free blog, or is it Simplenews category 8 sending me these new subscribers, and why?

The Interview That Never Was!

Recently I was asked to do an interview for an article. I thought the person asking stated that the article was about depression and anxiety. But when the actual interviewer sent a list of questions, I found that they were mostly focused on men and their mental health.

Last week I gave you my thoughts on the differences, or lack of them, between men and woman. Here are some other opinions: See "Notes" #19, #24, and below.
"Silence Is Golden"
However, too much silence is detrimental to a relationship.

With all the restrictions on our lives due to COVID, I thought some talk about resilience might be appropriate.

Take note, "Notes" is taking a holiday, I am taking a holiday, Wayne is taking a holiday (editor). It's summer, and summer demands that we experience freedom from regular routines. Freedom to do what ever we like, as long as it means staying away from people outside our home bubble, wearing a mask, safe distancing, getting one's COVID shot, doing take-out from our favourite restaurant, and no planning of trips in or outside of the country (sorry Brad and Suzanne but no golf in the Caymans). Freedom--mm!

The movie showed two boys; perhaps they are 12 and 11. The summer holidays had just begun.  The "voice over" talked in the past tense about how that was the summer that changed their lives; about how that summer's experience and the feelings they felt-love, fear, guilt and the intensity of a death--bounced them into a journey toward adulthood. It was the summer of their "coming of age".

Reader Response
Dan, for a subject idea, if you are not too tired of it, I would like your thoughts on coping with the many anxieties around COVID. Examples of mine and family/friends  - Fears of family or friends or self getting COVID, anxieties when your workplace does not have vaccine mandates, people hosting family gatherings when some have different comfort levels in attending, having a baby and parenting during the pandemic, understanding others opinions and so and so on.  Cindy

Tuesday, January 25. I was in Portage la Prairie for lunch with an old friend who lives in Brandon; we kinda met halfway. On the way back to Winnipeg I began to see a few trucks, cars, and vans all parked alongside the highway. Many of the vehicles had Canadian flags draped over them and a few "freedom" signs plastered to the sides of their vehicles. I was puzzled at first but then I remembered something about a truck convoy coming from the west. The anti-vaxxers were demonstrating against truckers having to be vaccinated to cross the border.

Depression

     Everyone feels down at one time or another. Loss of a loved one, a poor
career choice, or a failed relationship – all can invite a person to feel down.
Grief and sadness are normal reactions to life's stressful invitations.
However time heals and we return to normal.

Professionally, I have been dealing with many more angry people recently, so here is a bit on anger.

Anger

-Of those people who suffered the greatest damage in childhood, most    were harmed by repeated exposure to anger. Majority of chronically angry people were also damaged by anger as children.

-People struggling with chronic anger suffer long-term consequences involving work and personal relationships. They tend to feel more alone, more disappointed by life, and less nourished by their relationships.

Friendship

I read an article recently by one of my favourite writers, Brian Bethune. He talked about the importance of friendship.

        Loneliness kills and friendship preserves.
 
"Nothing matches the positive effect on mental and physical health as having friends."

Friendship

I read an article recently by one of my favourite writers, Brian Bethune. He talked about the importance of friendship.

        Loneliness kills and friendship preserves.
 
"Nothing matches the positive effect on mental and physical health as having friends."

Back on track!

Second of a six-part series on Friendship

When Partners Stop Being Friends

                                    True Friendship    (3rd in the series of 6)

None of that sissy crap

Welcome back! 

In all honesty, I can't say that "Notes" is all shiny, new, and vastly improved. In fact, it's more similar, slightly changed, but interestingly acceptable. (How is that for keeping expectations low!) One thing is for sure, the "Notes" mailing list is now a realistic-a couple of hundred actual subscribers instead of a couple of thousand fake ones. So enjoy, and if you're so inclined, agree/disagree, but now realize you are among friends who do want to hear what you're thinking and feeling.

Are We Still Evolving?

Some theories have us humans coming from a single cell and evolving into whatever became before apes, then there were apes, monkeys, or vice-a-versa, and then humans. If we have evolved past apes (and this has always puzzled me) how come there are still apes?

Hi "Notes" readers

I have been thinking about putting out the "Notes" blog once again but am wondering who is still reading it.

I turned 80 this past July. I still feel great and have lots of energy to play golf, see 10 to 12 clients a week at Blue Cross, entertain seniors, and perhaps do some writing for the blog.

 

 The Anti- Vacers, Have Invited Me To Become An Anti-People Person!

Last Sunday morning, as was my usual weekly ritual that being reading cover to cover the Winnipeg Free Press, I came across an article about Sturgis South Dakota. Apparently 700,000 bikers were descending on this small town for a week of shenanigans with no requirement of masks or vaccinations in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and it seemed like everyone was okay with this behaviour. I renamed the title of the article to "Who Gives A Damn About Others, It's Only About Me!"

I awoke with quite a start this morning. Recently I had been ranting about how others had been attending super-spreader activities and in my enthusiasm to help out a friend I had just invited my other friends to a possible super-spreader event myself.