Newsletter Vol #93 Thats How I See It!

All you wonderful people who came out and supported "bluelight" on Saturday--Thank you!

Are you doing something you want to tell the world about? Then drop me an email and we'll help you promote it. danrosin@drcounselling.com

Pt. 2 Stress

How Men and Women Respond To Stress
 
Men are from Mars, women are...ignored.
Why do men ignore their partners sometimes? And why does it happen during crucial moments in relationships? Men certainly can appear to be on separate planets from their partners at times, but the reason has more to do with DNA than it does with being mean or uncaring.
You may know about the body's ingrained stress-response systems:
§                                 the "fight-or-flight" response, and
§                                 the "rest-and-digest" response.
Clinically speaking, these are referred to as the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems...all part of the body's autonomic nervous system. As humans, we developed these for survival and as man-woman roles traditionalized, we each took on tasks that made the family unit better suited for survival. Women nurtured the offspring (breast fed) and men hunted and gathered food (larger muscle systems). Although both genders had the same stress-response system, genetically speaking, specific family tasks brought about different stressors in both women and men.
As a result, different ways to handle stress developed: women became master multi-taskers, and men became master compartmentalizers.
As civilization pruned away the old stressors-bears, broken ankles, and bacterial diseases-new stressors slowly replaced the old ones. Eventually, a wider array of less intense stressors, shared by both men and women, became evident. There are now so many of these that we can never get away from them all. Politics, crime, health care, family dynamics, money, traffic...our stress-response systems remain in a constant, low-level idle that never really turns off. Because of this, it's easier to tip the balance and send our stress-responses into overdrive!
How men respond to stress
As master compartmentalizers, men have the innate ability to push aside a distracting problem and push forward toward a determined goal. It's an act of separation and storage-handy for hunting and gathering but not so much for empathizing in a relationship problem.

How women respond to stress
As master multi-taskers, women have the innate ability to think about multiple possibilities simultaneously. It's an act of interconnectedness and building-handy for socializing and relating but difficult for pushing things aside and ignoring.
You can imagine that if separating and ignoring has worked for you for so long it would become the natural coping skill when stress levels reach overdrive. The opposite is also true if your natural tendency is to become more interconnected and relational. As the stress levels increase for both genders and our responses are allowed to trigger off free of accountability, we end up on...different planets.

Ignoring causes disconnectedness in relationships
Ignoring could eventually lead to a serious relationship problem. Most of the time, however, just being aware of the process is enough to get a natural compartmentalizer to stretch himself to more of a relationship builder...and a natural multi-tasker and relationship builder to allow for some space. After all, our stress-response systems are all built the same, and we naturally want to be in harmony with each other.
It's all about mutual cooperation and balance. Becoming conscious of the ingrained stress mechanisms allows us to be more in control of our behaviour and, ultimately, get everyone on the same page...or at least the same planet.                                  Christopher M Johnston

Perception

Son's letter to his dad...
Father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed to "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear dad: it is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we would be very happy even though you don't care for her and she is so much older than I. She already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and now that is one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and will be rolling it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better, she deserves it! Don't worry dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call me when it's safe to come home.

You can return to balance every day. Your reaction is your choice!
* Will this matter in two years?
* How else might I look at this? Is there another less stressful way I could do this?
* What is this situation teaching me? What can I learn from this?
* What would a calm person do?
* Can I actually change this situation? If not, how can I make peace with this?
* What old fear is being expressed?
* Is this a good time for a strategic pause?
* Is this something I could avoid in the future? How?
* Am I being a perfectionist here? Is "good enough" good enough?
* What is the worst that can happen here?
* What unexpected good could come out of this?
* Is this reaction based in reality or is this my fear talking here?

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for social security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I checked my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said "You should have dropped your pants...You might have gotten disability too."
And then the fight started...

While on holidays in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, I used one of the examples from the Letters to the Editor column of the Miami Herald, February 12, 2018.

Record Low

When U.S. rep. Joe Wilson shouted, "You lie" at President Obama during a joint session of Congress in 2009, I was astonished and dismayed at the breakdown in polite protocol. Of course, that was before Pres. Trump came into office and brought with him unprecedented low levels of behaviour.

Much has been said and written about Trump's pathological lying, his unhinged behaviour, and his bullying tactics--just a few of his many deficits as a leader. I have become virtually inured to his bombastic ravings as they occur almost daily.

But when he recently accused the Democrats of treasonous behaviour because they didn't applaud or stand in approval of him at the State of the Union address, I was stunned anew. Trump's runaway ego and out-of-control mouth have brought us to a new nadir in civil discourse that I never dreamed possible.
                                                                Joyce Curtis, Hollywood

Teen sexting on the rise

According to a new study, sexting is becoming a lot more common among teens with more and more young people using their smart- phones to send sexually explicit images, videos or text messages.

The Canadian study published in JAMA Paediatrics, says an estimated 1 in 7 teens have sent a sext, while 1 in 4 have received one.

Researchers reviewed 39 studies on sexting that surveyed more than 110,000 teens from the U.S. and Europe.

The study found that there weren't really any differences between the sexting habits of boys and girls, but their attitudes toward sexting were different.
                                                               Postmedia Network

Taking a hiatus for a few weeks but keep the feedback coming!