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Dr Dan's That's How I See It! Newsletter Vol #118

 The kindest thing you can do for the people
you care about is to become a satisfied,
joyous person. 
    Albert Clarke

 What's on Tap!

 The Letter; Global Warming; Circadian Rhythm; John Gottman (you have to read this research); Reader Response; You can only read this if your over 65.

This is a copy of a letter sent to me by the McNally Robinson book buyer just after my first book, then called I Can Have Fun On A School Night, that was later changed to Finding Balance in its 6th printing, became a #1 Best Seller at McNally Robinson for 10 consecutive weeks.

 I am showing you this letter so that those who receive my newsletter in 2019, and who will be my Internet presence when I release my new book, Communication & Relationships (C & R), will know just how successful Finding Balance was/is. I believe C & R, written in the same style, is perhaps an even more in-depth read.

 To Whom It May Concern

 July 5, 2002

 Re: I Can Have Fun on a School Night by Dr. Daniel Rosin.

We have sold nearly 900 copies of Dan Rosin's I Can Have Fun on a School Night in our four stores since Dr. Rosin approached us to carry his book in March 2002. During its first five/six months we were re-ordering cartons of 48 on an almost weekly basis. In my twenty years as a bookseller, I have not seen a self-published book so well received, both in terms of its initial sale and in its ability to sustain strong, consistent backlist sales.

 Dr. Rosin is a great promoter of his book both here in his hometown and out on the road. He believes in what he is talking about and our 900 customers to-date believe in him.

 I really think this book could do very well in a market place larger than either ourselves or Dr. Rosin has been able to reach.

 Thank you.

Yours truly,

Steven Benstead


   Book Buyer McNally Robinson

 Finding Balance has sold over 10,500 copies to date.

Global Warming

 The United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change confirms that global warming is now “unequivocal” and states with more than 90 per cent certainty that human activity is “very likely” the primary cause of rising temperatures worldwide since 1950.

 Global warming is likely to continue for centuries and perhaps it is already too late to stop some of the serious consequences it will bring - even if mankind could somehow hold the line on greenhouse gas emissions world wide starting today.

Just what are some of the consequences of global warming? Well, global temperatures are expected to increase 3.52 – 8 degrees Fahrenheit (2 – 4.5 degrees Celsius) by 2050. Rising temperatures will have a direct effect on water supplies and agriculture. Deserts will expand, the frequency and severity of droughts and deadly heat waves will increase, and snow will disappear in most areas.

 Sea levels worldwide are expected to rise between 7” and 23” (18 and 58 cm.) by 2100, and will continue to rise for at least the next hundred years.

 Fierce storms, such as hurricanes, will become more frequent and more floods will occur, due to rising sea levels and heavier rainfall in some areas.

 Global warming will also lead to a rise in many diseases that are deadly to humans. Flooding will contaminate water supplies in some areas giving rise to infectious diseases. Rising temperatures will also increase the range and breeding grounds of mosquitoes and other disease-bearing insects, exposing more people to diseases such as malaria, dengue fever, yellow fever and encephalitis.

 So just how do we slow down global warming? There has to be an immediate shift away from the use of coal and oil, and movement towards the expansion of clean, renewable energy. Consumers, corporations and governments around the world must be prepared to make a lasting and meaningful commitment to move away from their dependence on fossil fuels.

 Inspired by Larry West

 A circadian rhythm is a roughly 24 hour cycle in the physiological processes of living beings, including plants, animals, fungi and cyanobacteria. In a strict sense, circadian rhythms are endogenously generated, although they can be modulated by external cues such as sunlight and temperature.

 Circadian rhythms can influence sleep-wake cycles, hormone release, eating habits and digestion, body temperature, and other important bodily functions.

For a great deal more on Circadian Rhythm go to Circadian Rhythm-Google.

    Thanks Ed


This is the actual Introduction to Dr. Dan's new book “Communication & Relationships" . Why not send all, parts/paragraphs or pieces of the information below to your Social Media network. We are gearing up for Launch Week, February 24- March 6.

 I am not sure why I chose to write in the style I have—short, concise, one- to three-page concepts. These concepts express my ideas, thoughts and insights in a succinct manner, and perhaps this writing style is indicative of how I think and learn best myself. Give me a germ of an idea and I’ll think it through, flush it out, embellish it (at times), and make it fit my logical way of seeing the world.

When reading this book, I ask you to work at forming your own interpretations of the concepts, not just accept what I think I have learned from my interactions with my clients. A suggestion from a colleague in using this book is to have both partners read the same concept and then discuss it together. Two beneficial things occur—they learn something new, and they are encouraged to communicate on things that might assist their relationship to reach a new level of openness and honesty.

“Communication & Relationships” was written in the same style as my first book, "Finding Balance". One of the things that makes it so easy to read and understand is that in using the “concept” form of writing, the reader doesn’t have to plough through pages and pages, or an entire chapter, to get to the “meat and potatoes” of what is being said. It’s all there on one or two pages.

 “Communication & Relationships” is about real people with real problems. It was inspired by the many experiences encountered while couples were in therapy with me over a lifetime. The cases described are actual composites of many different sessions with many different clients. The book is written for people who seek understanding of the problems they face in their everyday lives. By reading these stories/concepts about people just like them, and seeing how they and the therapist dealt with the problem, they can learn how to better deal with their own issues.

 In my work, people enter into therapy hoping to make their lives better, and it is my job to assist them to get their needs met. In addition to helping them, I also get something out of it. During the therapeutic process I often feel the atmosphere get highly energized and my creative juices seriously piqued. It has thus been at this moment of infused creative energy that the majority of ideas were conceptualized and eventually found their way into this book.

 With my previous book, "Finding Balance", it was suggested by a major book publisher that I convert the concept method of presenting the material to a tips method— “100 Tips On How To Have a Better Life”. It is ironic that after submitting my manuscript to several publishers, the only one to respond suggested that I totally change the book to the tips method. It’s funny now, but at the time, I was totally indignant and responded with somewhat of a martyr’s attitude, “I would rather maintain the integrity of this book as it was written than sell (out) a thousand tip books.”*  Interesting stance; however, I still feel the same today.

 Rather than "Communication & Relationships" being filled with tips, it presents “new ways of working with real issues”; methods I created while I was engaged in the therapeutic process. It is the creative “Ah, ahs” that came about in therapy that are the essence of the concepts in this book.

 *I am glad that I persevered and didn't go the "Tip" route! "Finding Balance" has sold more than 10,500 copies and is into its 6th printing. Not a blockbuster by some standards, but apparently extremely good—or so I have been told—for a Canadian book by a Canadian author in a limited market.

John Gottman’s research on what makes relationships work is most interesting and groundbreaking. He has studied thousands of couples over several decades in a lab setting and can predict with 94% certainty which couples will be together in six or seven years. Incredable research!

 Psychologist, John Gottman has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work. Gottman and his wife, Julie, also a psychologist, run the Gottman Institute, which is devoted to helping couples build and maintain loving, healthy relationships based on scientific studies.

 From the data they gathered, Gottman separated the couples into two major groups: the masters and the disasters. The masters were still happily together after six years. The disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages.

Gottman can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples - straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not - will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship. Do they bring kindness and generosity; or contempt, criticism, and hostility?

"There's a habit of mind that the masters have," Gottman explained in an interview, "which is this: they are scanning the social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners' mistakes."

Contempt, they have found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it's not there.

 Being mean is the death knell of relationships. Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together. Research independent from theirs has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated - feel loved.

The hardest time to practice kindness is, of course, during a fight-but this is also the most important time to be kind. Letting contempt and aggression spiral out of control during a conflict can inflict irrevocable damage on a relationship.

"Kindness doesn't mean that we don't express our anger," Julie Gottman explained, "but the kindness informs how we choose to express the anger. You can throw spears at your partner. Or you can explain why you're hurt and angry, and that's the kinder path."

John Gottman elaborated on those spears: "Disasters will say things differently in a fight. Disasters will say, 'You're late. What's wrong with you? You're just like your mom.' Masters will say 'I feel bad for picking on you about your lateness, and I know it's not your fault, but it's really annoying that you're late again.”

A Mantra to repeat often: If you want to have a stable, healthy relationship, exercise kindness early and often.

We've all heard that partners should be there for each other when the going gets rough. But research shows that being there for each other when things go right is actually more important for relationship quality.

In one study from 2006, psychological researcher Shelly Gable and her colleagues brought young adult couples into the lab to discuss recent positive events from their lives. They wanted to know how partners would respond to each other's good news. They found that, in general, couples responded to each other's good news in four different ways that they called: passive destructive, active destructive, passive constructive, and active constructive.

 Let's say that one partner had recently received the excellent news that she got into medical school. She would say something like "I got into my top choice med school!"

If her partner responded in a passive destructive manner, he would ignore the event. For example, he might say something like, "You wouldn't believe the great news I got yesterday! I won a free t-shirt!"

If her partner responded in a passive constructive way, he would acknowledge the good news, but in a half-hearted, understated way. A typical passive constructive response is saying, "That's great, babe" as he texts his buddy on his phone.

In the third kind of response, active destructive, the partner would diminish the good news his partner just got, "Are you sure you can handle all the studying? And what about the cost? Med school is so expensive!"

Finally, there's active constructive responding. If her partner responded in this way, he stopped what he was doing and engaged wholeheartedly with her, "That's great! Congratulations! When did you find out? Did they call you? What classes will you take first semester?"

Among the four response styles, active constructive responding is the kindest, while the other response styles are joy-killers. Those who showed genuine interest in their partner's joys were more likely to be together. In an earlier study, Gable found that active constructive responding was also associated with higher relationship quality and more intimacy between partners.

There are many reasons why relationships fail, but if you look at what drives the deterioration of many relationships, it's often a breakdown of kindness. As the normal stresses of a life together pile up - with children, career, friends, in-laws, and other distractions crowding out the time for romance and intimacy, couples may put less effort into their relationship and let the petty grievances they hold against one another tear them apart. But among couples who not only endure, but live happily together for years and years, the spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward. 

Reader Response

Good morning Dan!

Your newsletter always brings me joy and is pleasure to read!

Thank you!

and a very Happy New Year to you!

You can only read about this discovery if you’re over 65:

I JUST discovered my age group!

I am a Seenager (Senior teenager).

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 55-60 years later.

I don't have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own I-Pad.

I don't have a curfew.

I have a driver's license and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren't scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?

And I don't have acne.

Life is Good!

Also, you will feel much more intelligent after

reading this, if you are a Seenager.

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

People do not decline mentally with age; it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.

Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.

Life is good/great!

Winnipeg is cold, like really cold!

Melt your surroundings with a warm heart.